what happened?

sometimes i wonder what happened between us

there's no 'us' actually

just being friends like we used to

maybe that's too much to ask for

at least, can't we just smile at one another if we see one another

instead, what we do is the total opposite

we pretend we didn' look at the other

sometimes, i just pretend i didn't see you

and you do the same

but when we're online, we pretend like we're friends

even when i text you at the crucial times, you text me back

what are we?

friends? still friends?

sakit perut

hhuhhu...smlm mmg hari yg menyakitkan untuk ema, sbb sakit perut. perut masuk angin x tau sbb apa, sdgkan makan lunch semua perfect. s, smm asyik ulang alik ke toilet, tapi sakit perut still x hilang. sapu minyak angin pun x jadi apa2...mlm tidur x lena, sbb panas & sakit perut.pagi pukul 5.30 lari pegi toilet and then tidur balik. elok sedar dah pukul 6.45 pagi!! oh, shit!! lari2 pi mandi!! haha...

ujian Allah

ema x tau apa perasaan ema skrg...terkejut ngan apa yg jadi kt ema smlm...but then bnda t masih x dpt dipastikan sama ada betul atau x. harap2 x betul, aminn...
sblm nie masa buat medical check-up, doctor tu bagitauema ada sakit apa tah, yg ada kaitan ngan backbone. sbb backbne ema sedikit senget. bila ema tanya dia what's the cause, she said it could be due to the rapid growth during adolesence, nothing genetically related. so, ema pun tanya apa rawatan yg ema boleh dptkn, she said nothing yet to worry....unless i have a backache or back pain...
ingatkan itu ja ujian Allah ke atas ema, rupanya, Allah sediakan ujian yg lebih besar utk ema smlm. meraung lah ema dlm bilik, lepas solat Zohor. and then, ema kuatkan semangat, sbb hidup perlu diteruskan. ema hnya blh berserah pada Allah ja skrg. He's the one in-charged of all that's happening, whether its something in the past, present or future.
ema fikir gak, samada ujian Allah ni adalah skadar nk uji keimanan ema, atau nk tgok kesabaran ema, atau nk punish ema atas kesilapan yg ema dah buat sblm nie. but then, ema pun x dak jawapannya. all i can do is trust & have faith in Him & His decisions, qada' & qadar Dia.
susah nk menjaga diri ema skrg, semua pun kena berhati-hati. but then, i hope this is all for the best. aminn...

tired

this morning, we had a group discussion on our poject. we had to set-up a booth in HUSM for a whole day & sell stuff, convincing poeple to buy our product...oh, no!! then, i was feeling kindda sleepy in the lecture hall, but then gagahkan gak mata nie tahan. hahaha...on the way out, nmpk Mr Sarcasm sitting on a chair kt corner of the hall, but then buat dunno ja...sbb malas...hehehe...
pastu buat urine test! however, ema mcm geli ngan my owh urine, smpaikn i wrapped the bottle with tissues...hehehe...mcm mana nk jadi doctor mcm nie?? then came the x-ray...oh, no!! it was embarrassing, but glad it was over! haha...

weird?

feeling very weird lately...so many people are acting weird, like super weird! Mr Smiley was online all this while but never once did we ever pressed the 'Chat' link. however yesterday, he started the conversation first. super weird! although it was weird, i was kindda happy coz we are back to normal since the 'weird' conversation we had before i came here. hehee...
second thing is, Mr X texted Cik CN asking for her number personally. funny + weird. why ask for her number? and also he wished her good night! hahaha...then, this morning Cik CN didn't wanna face Mr X. like, obviously running away from Mr X. hahaha...funny people...

3 days camping

truthfully & honestly, it's my 1st time camping outside, like in the woods, middle of nowhere. sblm2 nie, my camping site is my school & the padang! plus, i'm not the camping kindda gilr, so, dad x bagi pi unless it's wajib. (& yg wajib tu obviously ky sekolah! hahhahaha) so, i was headed to Kem Lata Belatan in Jerteh, Terengganu. 1st time dirikan khemah ngan segala mcm pancang, tidur dlm khemah, kena denda...mcm2 laa...but the best part was i didn't sleep for 2 hours that day, sbb kena patrol the camp at 1am. masa tue, my camp-mates & i, kena patrol the camps, make sure nothing happens. masa tu ema sembang ngan Abang Rausyam, mm2 celoteh dia. dia cerita psl life kt USM, betapa susahnya nk study medical & dental, kwn2 dia yg terkandas, bilik kitaorg, merit, aktiviti2...mcm2...seronok smbang ngan dia. hehehe...
semalam ema kena masuk lumpur. ingatkan lumpur tu sikit je, tgok2 dalam gila!! sejuk plak tue...ish2...tension betul dlm lumpur. pastu one by one, diorang jalan melepasi kwsn brlumpur tue...tinggal ema sorang2 kt tgh kwsn lumpur tue. smpai kt satu tmpt tu ema ckp ema x leh nk continue, sbb mmg x leh nk jalan, lumpur dia dlm gila!! haha...ema mmg menjerit-jert kt situ, smpai Pok Ya kena sebut nama ema, bagi motivasi kt ema, baru ema blh continue the journey!
all in all, it was a fun experience, met a new circle of friends, learnt a lot about camping & teamwork!

satu hari di surau USM Kubang Kerian

well, well, well...baca tajuk ja dah tau ema nk ckp psl apa kan? obviously ema nk ckp psl surau lagi hari nie...well, ema pegi surau yesterday utk solat, & ema nmpk bnda2 yg x patut ema nmpk...or at least bnda yg x sepatutnya dibuat dlm masjid @ surau. once ema masuk, dah nmpk satu group formed kt tgh2 surau, crowding people...susah la org nk masuk sembahyang. but then, diorang x kisah pun psl bnda tue. siap ada yg baring2 lagi. hish!!! then, masa org tgh sembahyang, ada gak yg ckp kuat gila, gelak2...mengganggu org lain sembahyang...huhuuhu....sedih tgok diorang nie...mungkin diorang x tau kot...but then, bnda nie smeua kn common sense, or am i the only one yg fikir like this? hmm...

P/S: i'm having trouble running away from reality. he's always around me. tension! rasa mcm x leh nk breathe. hhuhuhuhuu....Allah je yg bagi semangat kt ema utk teruskan hidup skrg nie. the only thing i do so far is just ignore him, pretend i don't even know him...hope that's enough for now...

orientation week

assalamualaikum semua...lama beno rasanya x online...ema baru ja habis orientation week kt USM Kubang Kerian, Kelantan. during the orientation week, abang2 & kakak2 kt sini x delah teruk sgt mcm kt matriks dulu. kitaorg hanya solat Subuh scara berjemaah every day. sbb surau tu jauh gila dari hostels kitaorg. so, rasa mcm a bit free compared to masa kt matriks. then, kakak2 & abang2 kt sini semuanya lawak2. tapi bila diorang marah, mmg ketaq lutut la...tapi one thing, kalau tidur masa ceramh2 atau taklimat2, abang2 kt sini x marah. diorang just tangkap gambar kitaorg tidur ja...hihihihi...

but then, there was once when kitaorg smua kena paksa stay in the dewan until late night. tetiba je abang tu marah2. marah teruk2 plak tu...takut gila...dia suruh smua org yg penah buat salah ngan kakak2 @ abang2 sepanjang orientasi to come out front & beratur. so, then, semua org keluar, filled the whole dewan. then, abang tu went from one person to another & tanya apa kesalahan kitaorg. ada sorang budak tu ckp dia tertidur masa ceramah, abang tu menjerit kt muka dia. 'nape tidur? len kali, bila masuk lecture hall, terus tidur tau? x yah nk belajar!' tension gila!! pastu he called 6-7 people's name to the stage. diorang kena lagi teruk drpd kitaorg.

sorang kakak tu marah sgt smpai di kata now it's the time to denda these students sbb diorang buat kesalahan besar. the lights went off and the senior kat belakang x bg kitaorg buakka handphone or switch on flashlight. ema takut gila, fear for them, in case kakak tu rotan diorang ke...but then all of the sudden, semua org tepuk tangan smbil nyanyi lagu 'Happy Birthday' pening kepala ema. rupanya, it's a prank! hahaha...

nervous

am i supposed to be feeling nervous? i don't know. i have too many bags...and i wonder if all of them are gonna fit in the small closet i'll be given...huhuhuhu...i hope i manage better this time around. i brought almost everything i need. still am afraid if i see a roach or lizard in my room...huhuhuh...not ready to face ants crawling all over my table...
P/S: will i ever GROW up?

saya happy

Alhamdulillah, syukur sangat hari nie dikurniakan pada ema...syukur sgt Allah bagi kesempatan utk jumpa ngan kwn2 tadi...happy bukan sbb blh makan2 & hang out ngan diorang semua. but just knowing that everybody's heart is taken by someone good, and they can also not expose their relationships like many others make me proud. usually people will expose their relationship through facebook & blogs. their friends comment on the pictures they took together, the wild gossips in school & college. nothing at all...only close friends know what's going on...how sweet...
i'm so happy to have friends like this. i'm so motivated to stay as low as possible, to change myself...to be a better person...it doesn't matter who that person is, whether he was in my past or in the present or even in the future. i don't mind...as long as i feel i deserve to have him...till then...it's time for me to keep moving forward, be a better person...

huhuhuh..

to be honest, i was feeling a bit sad because u didn't reply me the eid text i sent you. even though it was just an eid mubarak wish, i hoped u would text me back. however, u didn't. in a way or the other, i was glad u didn't text. because, if you'd text me back, i would ask you where were you, are you happy, how are you feeling, your prep to the university. the conversation will go on and on...
it would have created an environment that would make the both of us feel weird. so...i'm glad you didn't.
P/S: this crazy feeling i'm battling with every day is a hard & silly feeling. however, i'm getting stronger by the day, and i'm sure i'll get over it in no time. i guess this feeling is there becoz i'm doing nothing, but feeling it. i hope it'll go away in no time as i step my foot in USM.