mother-in-law fainted

Assalamualaikum, readers.
no, i am not married. no, my mother-in-law did not faint anywhere. it's just me, so, just relax.
you know how people are talking about marriage like ALL THE TIME nowadays. especially those who already have a boyfriend/girlfriend? and do you realize most of the topics of discussion in universities are based on LOVE/MARRIAGE? like, this is right and that is wrong. you should see this person and try to control yourself with this...yadda yadda...
thank you to all the status i read on Facebook, and all the movies i watch, i suddenly have the urge to get married. somewhere in between the 24-hour time Allah has provided for us all, i would feel "I WANNA GET MARRIED". and i'd get excited. *that's when all the entries about marriage and love and boys come in* 
something happened a few days ago, and something happened yesterday. both things lead back to the same thing. i'm not fit to be a wife to someone.
i come back from class and the first thing i do is throw my backpack on the bed, take off my scarf and throw it on the bed and take off my socks and throw it on the bed. by the time i wanna take a nap, my whole bed is full with STUFF. and i'd just pick them up, and put them somewhere else, so that i can sleep.
that's when it hits me, 'will i do THIS even after marriage?' then, my head starts thinking, and i realized, 'Opppssss...there'll be more STUFF. my husband's and mine's. can i manage?'
all of this thinking made me think that i'm just not fit to be someone else's wife, because i can't even take care of myself well.
well, that's just one half of the problem. i have tonnes more to do to make myself better.
plus, i'm being super-duper emo nowadays, crying listening to a song and feel super sympathetic to kids being bullied...and i wonder, will my husband be NICE enough to calm me down EVERY SINGLE TIME? maybe he would, but that doesn't mean i will just have to continue being so emo over little things right?
see? lots more to improve, lots more to prepare before i'm a Mrs Husband *i don't really know who he is, so i'll just put husband there* 
i'd like to insert these few lines of Justin Timberlake's latest single Mirror. it reminded me of how much compromise is needed in a marriage. also, both husband and wife are one, whereby both will carry each other's success and failure together. *meaning, i gotta be better, so that people would look up to my husband* 

                                                          Aren't you somethin', an original

Cause it doesn't seem merely assembled

And I can't help but stare, cause

I see truth somewhere in your eyes

I can't ever change without you

You reflect me, I love that about you

And if I could, I

Would look at us all the time

thanks for reading.

bila mama tak sayang

i saw a shoe box near the sundry shop and from far, i heard two kittens meowing non-stop. they were loud and pitch-y. you know when kittens meow like that, it's either they're hungry or lost. in this case, they were lost. they lost their momma.
it was heartbreaking for me when i saw them in the box, hugging each other tightly, to keep each other warm. they were super tiny, just developed its fur. if i were to live in a single room, i MIGHT take them to my room, where i'd take care of them. the thing is, taking care of two little kittens ain't easy. at this age, they need their momma to breastfeed them, fresh milk from the bottle won't really help. 
anyways, i only thought of one thing when i saw these two kittens. they were little, lost and long for their momma. who knows where their momma is. and i wondered about what it feels like living without a mother at such young age. i'm not talking about orphans, i'm talking about baby-dumping. okay, pretty sure you'd be switching off the computer right now, but wait. i'm not talking about baby dumping, and please, i assure you there won't be scary images of baby covered in blood or anything like that. 
two days ago, i watched a video by Mat Luthfi. he made the video with a couple of his friends, and one of his friends said something about why baby dumping is uncommon in the West. one of them said that people in the West accept illegitimate child in their community. for once, i kindda thought that was true, until...
- Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt are parents to their twins but they aren't married
- Shakira has a son with her boyfriend
- Kourtney Kardashian has two kids and she's only engaged to her boyfriend
- Adele has a son with her boyfriend Simon
one similarity in all of them? they aren't married, obviously. other than that?
they're all CELEBRITIES!
a celebrity can have an illegitimate child and it's totally okay, because they can afford they baby. plus, this whole baby issue will have no effect on their work. they will still get calls from directors.
in the case of a normal person, living in a normal world, this is unacceptable. especially when you're a kiddo. (kiddo here means everybody until you're financially stable and no longer live with your momma and daddy) if you watch Mum At Sixteen, the role of the mum is played by Danielle Panabaker, who is a 16 year old student with a daughter. they moved once her belly was growing and she stopped attending school. once the baby was delivered, she just couldn't give it away, so her mother took care of the baby like her own. which means, once they moved, her mother introduced the baby as her 3rd daughter. see how hard is it, even to the Westerns? 
so, i kindda disagree with the statement.

anyways, i think everybody should open up their minds, think outta the box, look around and be alert! *apa punya pesanan penaja??*
thanks for reading.

P/S: cried listening to Shattered by Trading Yesterday. i think it's the whole 'bila mama x sayang' mood. 

when it kicks in, nobody can stop it, even me. 

my roomates

to those who have no idea who am i living with right now, i am living with two 1st year medical students who are non-muslims. one might think living with them is rather troublesome, they might have their prayers as well, which MIGHT disturb our prayers which is 5 times a day and yadda yadda. 
let me tell you what it feels like to be living in the room with two non-Muslims. 
i was cool the whole time after i found out i had two non-Muslims roomates, but inside my heart, i was nervous and scared. but my mum told me there's nothing to be afraid of. they believe what they believe and i believe what i believe in. let's just stick to our own beliefs for now. we do talk occasionally, when there's things to talk about, or when they seek advice from me. 
of course we do talk bad about each other, but that's just the way it is. *do you honestly think being roomates with someone with the same religion, that they would not talk bad about you?*  they pray too. as much as i want them to respect my religion, i know the first thing i should do is respect their religion. i've had friends who talk bad about their religion when i told my friends my roomates pray too. i then realize, not everybody are OPEN-MINDED about other religions. so, i stopped talking or discussing about my roomates to the public. 
guess what? 
after about 3-4 months living together, one of my roomates figured out the way i live, praying 5 times a day and reciting the Quraan at certain times. so she'd leave the lights on even if she wanted to sleep. at times, the lights would be out and there i would be sitting on my sejadah (a piece of cloth, more like a thin carpet to pray on. *more about this at the bottom of the entry*) reciting the du'a or the Quraan. and right before she leaves the room, she would turn the light on for me without even asking. at first i was shocked, because she didn't ask and i didn't tell her to do that, but later i would smile. she respects me and my religion. Alhamdulillah, praise to Allah. 
yesterday, i went to a religious class, where i was told to not only gain the knowledge from the class, but i need to let the non-Muslims know about what learnt. but the person also told me that it's not necessary that i have to preech to the non-Muslims. the first step is to show good deeds or good akhlak to the non-Muslims, then i should practice Islam like a good Muslim. they are watching us, so somehow they'd learn a little or two about Islam. and from there is where we start discussing with them about religions. the aim of discussing is not winning, but more of creating awareness to them of what Islam is all about. 

*about the sejadah: as i said it is a cloth, act as a covering on the surface we're praying on. it doesn't necessarily be the sejadah. it could be just a cloth, for example a dress or a tudung. but the cloth must be clean*

numb maybe?

i celebrated my birthday yesterday and honestly, i feel numb. besides the crazy prank my girlfriends played on me, and smiling all day because its my birthday, in the end, i feel nothing. probably, i was already down because my family members kindda wished me late. 

besides, i misunderstood my best friend forgot to wish me and i felt very much empty inside. she knew me best and she forgot my birthday? as i said just now, it was a big fat misunderstanding, coz she did wish me, but i didnt notice. 

one of my classmates got married and we were joking in my girlfriend's room when the girl said suddenly, 'ema kena kahwin dengan lelaki yang pendiam' which simply means, i need to get married to a guy who is quite. at first, what she said made no sense, but the statement bugged me all night.

then i remembered. you. we faught about something really silly and there i was screaming and yelling at you, as if it was your fault. there you were in front of me, calm, smiling away, not knowing how to respond to me. and that was the very last time we ever talked to each other face-to-face. are you the one she was talking about?

then again, *blowing the idea off* you and i were little kids. i was really young and it was new for me being around boys, i guess it was nothing. and you, you were always shy, and probably you had no idea on how to calm me down, so you just sat there and kept quiet.

conclusion, this is nothing.

you didn't wish me this year. 

you might have been busy with stuff, spending time with your family, taking a break from studies. yeah, that should be it.

maybe a quiet guy would be great as a husband-or not.

whatever it is, i shall forever be EMA-bubbly, hyper, crazy girl.

am i a mujahid @ mujahidah?

Asslamualaikum, guys.
i've been reading blogs and books and everything comes back to this one word-Mujahid / Mujahidah.
so i had been thinking about the word and if i myself am a Mujahidah. until i figured out the meaning.
the meaning of mujahid or mujahidah are people who jihad (fight to be a better person) in the name if Islam or for the sake of Islam. 
i did some more thinking and interpret the meaning of mujahid and mujahidah in my own words. and i found the answer.
1- if you fight your way to get up for subuh prayer, you are a Mujahid/mujahidah
2- if you fight your way from saying bad stuff about other people, you are a mujahid/mujahidah
3- if you make sure the clothes you are wearing to class or work is appropriate and according to the teachings of Islam, you are a mujahid/mujahidah
4- if you try and make a person understand what is Islam *even in the tiniest sense* you are a mujahid/mujahidah
isn't it easy to become a mujahid/mujahidah?
however, this is the 'easy' stage of becoming a mujahid/mujahidah. the 'hard' level of a mujahid/mujahidah is very challenging. 
we'll get to that part later. for now, let's just focus into trying to be the 'easy' level mujahid/mujahidah first!
happy trying!

random #2

the last time i wrote some random stuff, it was crazy. and i can't help but to be random again! hehee... *forgive me*

so, here's goes...

I'll Be Your Man-James Blunt

a guy and girl sitting on the couch opposite each other, the room filled with friends laughing, chatting and fooling around. the boy and girl lost interest to everyone except each other. their eyes meet briefly and he smiled at her, waiting for her response. she returned his smile, and they stared at each other in silence. after a while, he picked up his guitar that was against the wall. in the most unflattering way, he strummed the guitar.

before she knew it, he was already singing. some of the girls in the room sang along as they clapped their hands.

Climb into our private bubble, 

Let's get into all kinds of trouble,

Slide over here, let your hands feel the wave,

There's no better method to communicate,

Girl stop your talking, words just get in the way,

I'll be your man.

So baby come over from the end of the sofa, 

i'll be your man.

Once he was done, and the applause went dead, he looked at her and she giggled nervously, her eyes glittering with joy. that's when he knew, 'Yes, i did it!'