am i being oversensitive? am i changing to a weak person?
am i the trouble maker? is it always my fault?
things have changed for me. something's wrong with my heart. somethings wrong with my brain. not enough with one, i'm having problem with another two. it's like i'm the one to blame. i'm the one to be bullied. not bullied as in physically bullied. but probably mentally tortured. though i won't call it torture. but still...
it's like stuff said to me, no matter how hurtful, i must accept and bare with it, but stuff said to them, which are not hurtful, it will change to a fight, an argument. am i the one to blame? still my fault?
sometimes, i feel like crying, right in the spot, when they say whatever they say. even typing it now hurts. tears are dropping. *ala ala teardrops on my guitar. haha...blh buat lawak lagi* i don't know if it's just me or what. coz i am the one who's hurt, who's feeling the burn in my heart, choking back tears, not them. diorang boleh gelak lagi. so, i just take it as a joke. but when i say stuff to them, which is not at all sensitive, diorang terasa.
i hate when people pin-point on my weakness or say that i'm not at something i think i'm okay with. so many things...too many things...too much...can't take it...
so what do i do? i keep quiet. very quiet. let them be whatever they wanna be, i will be me. repair myself, improvise from day to day. i'm strong, and i love me. don't need nobody but me.
at times like this where i wish i had Prince Charming, riding on a black horse, with a cape, he could even wear a mask, just like Zorro. knock on my door whenever i feel down, take me on a horse ride in the middle of the night, through the forest, and finally we reach a stream. watching the moon and only hear to his voice, calming me down. if i feel like bursting into tears, his strong shoulders would support me. whispering all the things i need to know at that moment. when i'm all okay, he'll send me back safe and warm.
kan best kalau Prince nie ada 'sense' bila ema sedih. sedih je, dia bawak ema keluar and then send me back. hmmm....keep dreaming!!
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