jiwa kacau..

it's been months now, since we ever spoke to one another on the phone, text or even Facebook message one another.
*don't get me wrong, i'm not n a relationship with ANYONE*
it never crossed my mind to even text or call until i see your name on my handphone. and just like that, my phone went missing. i felt so lost and alone. i don't remember anybody's number except my house phone number, dad's and sister's. wow. and at that time, i totally felt as if He was looking down on me and saying, 'there's a reason i let your handphone go missing' and i understood that. 
in the most craziest moments, you did text message me, wishing me Raya, and i did the same. and then, dead. that was the end of a conversation. very brief. somewhat, i'm not sad it ended there. it was as if we have nothing to talk about. we used to talk crap on Raya, message after message-there's no end to them. now, i think we're both different. i'm trying to be a better me, and maybe you do to. i don't know. whatever it is, i'm glad this is how we are. just the way we should be-from the beginning. but things happen for a reason, and i won't blame you for everything that has happened. if i were to be given a chance to go back, i'd undo some things. sadly, i can't. 
i'm feeling better about myself now, Alhamdulillah. so many things happened in my 1st year. and i'm determined to be a new me right from the start. InsyaAllah, i can.