the dream

I know this is silly and I know it’s just a dream. But in my dreams, he held her hands and hugged her tight. And at that moment, the feelings I had watching them was really unexplainable. It wasn’t jealousy, it was more of, ‘Why? Why would you hug her?’

In reality, the girl has a boyfriend and somewhere inside of me screamed and shout, ‘hey, you have a boyfriend. How could you hug another guy?’ 

but you know and I know that’s not really the point.

Am I really falling for this guy?

But again, some part of me thought in my brain, while I was asleep, ‘I don’t deserve this guy. I mean, he is not the one for me’ but then, again, another part recalled the conversation I had with my sister before.

She said no matter how we take care of ourselves, obey God, cover our aurah, and do all the good deeds, and if it’s stated in the Luh Mahfuz that you’d get married to a guy who’s just above average, the normal guy who doesn’t really go to the mosque to pray or has lots of girlfriends, then, you’d still get married to him. He’s a good guy, but not as good as you, but you can’t argue he’s not good enough for me or he hasn’t reached my standard to being my husband. That’s not right.

So, don’t worry. I know they were just crazy feelings and thoughts, because I am super duper tired due to the futsal training and all. It’s not like I’m seriously thinking of marrying him. You see, when the time comes, everything would fall right into its places.