Goodbye dear friend.

Assalamualaikum.

Recently, i was hit with a news, a news i didn't expect to hear anytime soon...my cousin, my friend, my buddy passed away. 
He had some medical illness and was hospitalized for about 50+ days. He was a warrior, faught bravely through all the procedures in the hospital. 

When i first got the news, i didn;t know how to react. until my brain kept replaying the message "he's gone, your friend is really gone" over and over. I broke down and cried outside my lecture hall. 
He was a great friend, best buddy one can hope for. Strangely, he was more a friend, than he was a cousin. 

Anyhow, I didn't get the chance to say goodbye to him for the last time, and i guess that was a blessing. I shall forever remember him as the fun, outgoing, happy boy he was, and not the miserable, sick boy he became. 

So, i hope this would be therapeutic for me, a way of saying goodbye to him. 

*kindda wrote this in the plane, one the way to his funeral*

Dear Buddy,

You have been a great friend. More than great actually. You're kindda my best buddy, the one I run to when I hhad to scream and shout and curse, and you;d understand. You;d even be on my side, and curse the other person just to be supportive.

I know we didn't meet after you've been hospitalized but i am still grateful to not see you in such condition. The last time we met was a blast, we all got together for my sister's convocation and you were very helpful indeed, specially with my father's condition at that time, I coudn't thank you enough for all that you;ve done for me. 

Even now writing this down, i am not sure that you're really gone, Some part of me wishes that this isn't true.

But Allah knows best. 

I shall forever remember you in my doa and whenever i see something we both used to talk about. 
I can promise you this; i can never watch Despicable Me, Premium Tush, 50-50, Inception, Tangled and so many other movies without thinking about you, laughing at the silliest things we used to talk about. 

I shall in the future have a pet cat, a black one, just like Mama Kucing and name it Toothless, just for fun. Coz that's what we see in black cats. But only if my allergies are in check. If not, I'll find something else and name it Toothless. Haha...

I am tryly grateful that we've remained friends over the past 7 years, and we didn't have to meet so often to maintain the friendship.
Thanks for being a great friend, willing to accept my coocooness and craziness in my life. 

Goodbye, buddy.

I am okay now. It's just that the emptiness is still there, and maybe will remain there forever. 

Let's just pray for him. Al-Fatihah...