marriage...yes or nah-aah?

Assalamualaikum readers.

i know lately all i have writing about has something to do with relationships. it's just that i'm going through the phase right now where everyone is talking about marriage.

my sister just got married, and now it seems like, the spotlight is on me.

question after question has been shot towards me whenever i am at a family function.

and sometimes, i do have some doubts. of whether i should walk down the path or not.
sometimes, all i wanna do is get married and start a family.

I DO.

Pros.
- i would get a new family. i could be a good listener to a new sister or brother, an aunt to a little niece or nephew. help my mother in law in the kitchen, listen to my father in law talk while we watch TV. 
- have a companion 24/7. the one who would listen, cry and laugh with me through my ups and downs, accept me and stand by my side as i reveal my crazy side.
- finally start a family. i wanna have lots of kids. to educate them on how to be a great person not only here, but even in the afterlife. Teach them what it's like to survive on this planet, cherish all the moments and love them unconditionally
- have a better support system. when i am down, i know for sure i have my husband to turn to, who will build me up once again.
- have a superman who could fix everything up. if my pipes need plumbing, he'd get down on his back fixing it, if my light doesn't work, would get on a ladder to fix it, sees a cockroach or any scary insect, would save his wife and kill it? hahha...

Cons.
- i really don't know how to cook, haven't mastered anything in particular. if i get a picky husband, i'm doomed. 
- pretty lazy at times, so my house would be a pigsty. and what if my husband has OCD? *gasps* definitely dead.
- i don't like to be controlled. so if he expects me to be this and that, and if i can't be, then there would be trouble in paradise.
- am i ready emotionally to share everything private with him? 
- will he willingly accept me for who i am? what if he hates me after he sees my flaws?
- how will i cope with family matters, finances and work....and on top of that him?

I'M SORRYY...

Pros.
- life would be fun. i can do whatever the heck it is i want.
- all my income from work would be mine and mine alone. maybe i would give them to my parents.
- don't have to deal with family dramas. mother in law, sister in law, husband....house, kids...
- hmmm...get a cat?

Cons.
- forever lonely. i would never understand love, be loved.
- grow old with my cat? that's so sad..
- depression. all my friends and friends would probably get married and i would forever be haunted with the same question "when's your turn Ema?"
- i would have to be my own Superman....battling roaches and other crazy insects in fear. 

well...seems like there's so much advantages if i get married. maybe not now. someday. once i found my Superman?

anyways, i hope all of you out there who's thinking about marriage, just be true to yourself, say YES when you have thought about it and feel like you're ready about it. because there's no turning back after you said yes. 
pray and have faith in God that he would help guide you in every choice that you make. insyaAllah...

thanks for reading. 
bye.

women, wrestling and body shaming

I grew up with wrestling because Abah is a crazy maniac when it comes to wrestling. Mum didn't say much and just went with it.

i don't really remember the fights or the wrestlers i watched growing up, because i was so little. But i do remember icons like Jeff Jerrett, Diamond Dallas Page, Stone Cold, The Rock, Shawn Michaels and Scott Steiner. it was only when i was much older, when WWE was made and Stoen Cold retired when i started having my own personal interest in wrestling.

Even though i know that wrestling is a bunch of bullsh*t, that the wrestlers are "acting" or that everything that happens were pre-planned, the fact that the talent is real, is not a joke. the talent that these superstars have in them is nothing but genuine.

Anyways...before i rant too much and go off course, i would like to emphasize that the women's division has come a long way since when they first started.

when i first watched wrestling, i fell in love with Trish Stratus and Lita. These two wrestlers were the few who played the most part in changing the stigma in women's wrestling. Another wrestler who played an evil character, who could wrestle was Victoria.

Trish VS Victoria

 Previously, women wrestlers were stick thin, with blonde hair and skimpy clothes. the board only allowed very few matches among these women. and, they weren't really wrestling.
they would host Evening Dress Matches and Bra and Panties Matches. even worse, there was once they had to wrestle in mud.

During the era, Trish and Lita would dominate the wrestling, getting into matches with each other, winning over each other in different matches. They would jump from the top rope, frog splash, superkick....real wrestling.

After them, came more names like Mickie James, Melina, AJ Lee, Natalya and Naomi. And recently, more and more wrestlers are making their names by the risks they take and the moves they make in the ring.

AJ Lee performing Black Widow

so, i've talked about women and wrestling. where does body shaming come in?

i would like to sincerely apologize to all. growing up with wrestling where women were stick thin figures, and pretty faced, i started judging the ones who weren't pretty enough or thin enough.
this is what sports entertainment has done to me in the past.
i judge the wrestlers by the way they look and dress, and not the way they fight and wrestle.

now, the Divas division has so many body types, broad shoulders, short and thin, muscled women, plus size women, women with hair extensions and colourful clothes.

Naomi in her glow in the dark...everything!

only recently i understood the value of a woman, and that i should never judge them because of their appearances. it took me a while to understand and digest that these women are working really hard in the gym, working on their persona and performing safely in the ring to bring entertainment to fans all around the world.

i don't judge wrestlers based on their weight anymore. all i look at now is that these women are athletes and their accomplishments they've made in their career.
i hope i am able to teach and educate my children along the way that look isn't everything.

so i would like to urge everyone to stop body shaming anybody, even yourself. 

But there's a hope that's waiting for you in the dark,

You should know you're beautiful just the way you are,

And you don't have to change a thing,

The world could change it's heart,

No scars to you're beautiful, we're stars and we're beautiful.

- Alessia Cara

thank you.

relationships?

Assalamualaikum

today,i am going out of my comfort zone, talking about relationships.

am i in a relationship? no.

so why bother? a lot of things came up. need to express myself perhaps. *giggle nervously*

okay, here's my idea of an ideal healthy relationship.

- parents approval is utmost important
- honesty comes in handy all the time
- the other half not too clingy
- he is stable? (financially, emotionally)
- a family person

Unfortunately for me, i have developed a barrier around me, where every corny scenes i watch i the drama or movies is just too corny and will not work with me. gotta try harder, mate.

i watched movies where guys would hint that they like the girl and the girl would go Ga-Ga over the guy.
that's not me. i went bombarding the guy with too many questions.

scenes of men buying food specially for the girl and presents the food in front of her, expecting her to feel loved and finally falling for the guy?
i declined the food and offered it to someone else.

you know in the movies where the girl would have trouble carrying heavy stuff and the guy would come running, helping the girl?
i pretended i was strong and carried the heavy box myself, until my aunt asked help from a guy nearby. i just don't like giving up.

texting back and forth about nothing until late into the night?
i just doze off without informing. sorry, sleep in more important.

asking if i have eaten or prayed or farted several times a day?
i ignored all of the questions. sorry, none of your business?

oh God. 
something is wrong with me.

yes.

i don't believe in all these.

i don't know if i have the patience to even go through all of the above, with me knowing i'm not ready for a relationship. 

i broke it off, came clean and prayed a lot to God. 

a friend told me to pray. if he's the one, he'll come rolling. if he's not, he'll be far far away.

problem is....

when you have been through all of the above (or maybe a little of the above) in a short period of time, it becomes an addiction. you wanna text or say something, just to keep it going. hoping everything would go away and things would remain at a friendship level.

however, i do realize not everyone is like me, at a pace where i am not seeking any form of relationship, i just need a friend. 

i realize that there are people who is only interested in becoming friends, only if they know there's a possibility of the relationship to bloom or take the next stage. 

i am okay with that.

remember the criteria of my ideal healthy relationship? honesty.

as long as you're honest, insyaAllah, you'll be okay. 

think of it this way:

are you more willing to hurt someone's feeling before anything goes further, or would you rather break his heart after giving him so much hope?

the choice is yours.

my last piece of advice (not really my advice, it's a friends'), if you're in the same dilemma as me, pray. pray. pray. 
seek His forgiveness. beg Him for His mercy.

Before i bid my goodbye, no, i'm not some hot stuff in the family. please, i'm nothing close to being HOT.

Wassalam.