fierce

i'm not your toy

am i allowed to get mad at people? 

do i deserve to feel mad?

would people still like me when i get mad?

should i get mad?

some of the things i went through back and forth in my mind. i was in lab, with the rest of my over 150 batch mates. and suddenly everyone turned to me for the attendance. it is not my turn today, but they asked me for the attendance with the look on their face,
"where's the attendance ema? you should have it! now the dr's asking for it" 
and i told them it's J's turn today and he's responsible for it, not me. someone said J's sleeping in his room. does that even make it my problem? but because everybody kindda turned me with hopes that would save everyone that day, i ran to the dental building immediately and got the attendance myself. 
i did ask for help, accompanying me to the dental building, everyone refused. well, i don't blame them. but i felt so much like a fool, like everyone's using me. 
they sat in their places, not moving at all once they knew i snapped the pictures with my camera. did i say anything about sharing them with you? did you ask for me to snap them? NO! you just assumed i would, like i always did. 
hat nerves does this J boy have, calling me in the lab, with me furious about everything, asking if i could sign the attendance for him? i told him right away that he had spoiled my mood, and i deserve an apology. even then, he didn't apologize. i didn't ask much from you. i covered for you, don't i get anything from it?

i know i'm fussing about some silly attendance, but it hurts so much knowing that people are using you for their own benefits. now i wonder do they even take me as a friend. or am i some kind of joke to them.