anak

asal post nie psl anak plak? haaa..kalau nk tau, teruskan mmbaca. ema baru tgok Melodi ari tue & ada la sorang artis kita nie yg mak cik dia sndiri amik dia jadi anak angkat. but then dia disisihkn dri keluarga asal dia. rupa-rupanya dlm family ema sendiri ada kes mcm nie. anak tue smpai merajuk ngan family kandung dia sndiri, sbb sanggup give up dia pada someone else. 

lps tue ema pun tnya mak ema satu soalan yg bodow. 'kalau mak kt tmpt org tue kan, mak akn bagi x anyone of us?' mak ema ckp x tau, sbb dia bukn dlm situasi tue. pastu mak pun ckp la yg sllunya, org lain (relatives lain) akn ckp & brainwash kita smpai kita akn snggup give up anak sndiri. las2, mak ckp, mak akn bg kalau auntie ema yg mintak. ema tnya kenapa, mak ema ckp, x tau, but mak akn bg ja. haiyo! but mak ckp, mak akn bg kalau ada ank byk la. kalau ank 3 org, mak xkn bg punya! hahaha...

mslahnya kan, bila kita bagi ank tue waktu baby, the foster parents akn daftar anak tue sbgai anak diorang sndiri. dalam sijil lahir budak tue, msti nama mak & bpk dia bukan nama mak & bpk kandung, tapi mak & bapak angkat. kan susah, sbb dosa kalau ber binti & bin kan ayah angkat? x pasai2 dpt dosa. lps tue kalau anak tue dah besaq, masa nk kawenkn, kita kena pakai wali kan? slagi bpk kandung dia msih hidup, ank tue kena berwalikan bpk kandung la. lagi satu masalah.


so, ema pun bgtau kt mak ema hari tue. kalau ema kena bagi anak ema sndiri kt org, ema akn make sure husband ema dftat anak tue ngan nama kitaorg sbgai mak & bpk dia. lps tue. buat paperwork adoption. x kisah la kalau darah daging sndiri atau org asing pun, paperwork kena ada. then, sign stuff, & off you go. kalau ada yg sanggup buat bnda tue, ema akn bg anak ema. but i can't help but to get mad if anak kita sendiri ber bin @ binti org lain. bahaya, sbb mcm2 problem akn timbul.
hihihihi...pikir mcm org dewasa plak...but then i think this is the best choice a parent can make.

talents or looks?

hey ya'll...so today ema nk ckp psl talents. hihihiiih...suka sgt ckp psl talents kan? n then ema akn amik kesempatan utk kutuk2 org nie & org tue...huhuhuhu....sabor jelah ek?

just a few days back, i heard someone said something about JB. he definitely has 'good' looks. (betui ka? hmm...not my taste!) but then ramai gila JB fans all around da world kan? but then, x kiah la kan...coz now we're talking bout talents. masalahnya skrg, JB tue ada talent ka? saya musykil ya...dari awal lagu 'Baby' smpai ke skrg 'That Should Be Me', saya x nmpk mana talent budak kecik nie. mcm mana budak nie tetiba jadi popular? tumpang popularity Usher ka sbg producer dia? atau just becoz of his looks? and not to forget his 'baby' voice? hmm...ntahlah...but most of the time kita akn nmpk people go 'Ga-Ga' over him. mungkin sbb dia pndai menari kot...but then betui ka dia pndai menari? biasa ja...so, conclusionnya di sini, JB is not a talented person. org cuma suka kt dia sbb dia 'COMEY', suara dia yg 'girlish' & dia couple ngan Selena Gomez. ohh, maybe sebab dia punya lagu get people to dance kot. hmm...maybe his weird hairstyle? sbb, Jesse McCartney was also popular sbb hairstyle dia yg agk pelik at his time. 

next, kita beralih kepada Cik Hudgens kita di sini. hihihhi...Vanessa Hudgens? nama dia agk familiar kan? di mana saya dgr ya nama itu? hmm....meh sini che bgtau! dia tue pelakon filem HSM. if ur wondering what HSM is, its 'High School Musical'. HSM plak ada smpai 3 filem sekuel! tu dia! tapi ramai yg pi tgok movie nie. (saya juga ingin mengangkat tgn di sini, sbb saya jugak tgok filem nie, kt rumah, on Disney Channel. saya tgok HSM 1 & 2. HSM 3 x ditygkn kt Disney Channel, tapi ditygkn kt panggung. & by the time dia tunjuk kt Disbey, mak saya dah buang pun channel tue...huhuhuhuhu...tragis kan cerita saya? hihihi) okay, back to the story. she was a Broadway actress, so no doubt la dia blh lakon kan? but singing? hmm...jom kita tgok singing skill dia. dlm movie HSM semua, singing dia blh thn jelah...very average...sbb dia x leh nyanyi not tinggi. kalau bg not mndatar skit, she can sing. tapi dlm HSM 2 kot, (x silap) ada satu lagu, 'I Gotta Go My Own Way'. lagu tue antara lagu where she nyanyi single & dia blh nyanyi not yg agk tinggi, which was impressive. tapi lps lagu tue semua not dia jadi flat balik. even her album single dia, 'baby, Come Back' is a catchy song, tapi x dak apa2 yg menarik pada that song. she didn't sing high notes or anything kan? so, mengapakah cik nie mnjadi popular? muka dia mmg cantik, cume sometimes i don't like her messy hairstyle. adakah sbb dia ada influence HSM yg menyebabkn dia kekal popular? or sbb dia date ngan pak cik Efron? atau sbb dia pndai berlakon? hmm...acting dia blh thn la...actually, i never saw her acting in any movies besides HSM, but then ada movie baru 'Beastly' yg i haven't watch. not intending to watch it either...huhuhuhu...


next kita pi pada si adik comel nie, Charice. adik kecik manis nie asal dari Filipina, come from a very poor family. dia sara keluarga dia ngan menyanyi. she takes part in every singing competition yg ada kt negeri dia & skali tue dia dpt second place. but ada sorang mamat nie upload performance dia dlm Youtube & Wallah, dia pun jadi top la..hahaha...ema first nmpk dia kt Oprah, where she had the oppurtunity utk nyanyi ngan Celine Dion on her concert. time tue Charice nie kecik lagi, dlm 14 thun kot x silap. dia very innocent, blah3...but time tue i don't like her. now, when she's all grown up, came up with an album of her own, her singing skills pun dah develop. she's getting better from one concert to another. but then kenapa budak kecik nie x popular? kesian kt dia, sbb only David Foster dok jaga dia, bwk dia pusing2 the globe ngan his own team. adakah sbb dia dtg dri negara org lain, not an American citizen? atau sbb dia x lakon gmbr? or sbb dia x cantik? 

hmm...this is how people are kan? kita ckp psl entertainment business, but shouldn't we go 4 talent over looks? malas nk ckp actually bnda nie, sbb byk org yg kat luar sana x dak talent tapi sbb muka dia comel & gebu, cantik & seksi, org akn suka & org pun support. tambahn2 bila kita ckp psl reality TV shows. x yah pi jauh2 nk ckp psl America @ India, kita tgok negara kita sndiri. cik Nera AF 9 tue blh nyanyi ke? dia penah beberapa kali do something else instead of singing, making a fool of herself. tapi sbb dia cantik, org pun vote dia utk stay in the competition. ema bukn ckp bnda merepek k? kalau tnya org pun, they'll say the same thing. i asked my uncle & discussed it openly masa kenduri tahlil arwah atok ari tue. (apa la budak nie? kenduri tahlil, org baca doa. budak ni gossip plak. astaghfirullah...) hihihihi...kitaorg discuss2 bnda nie waktu mlm, masa uncle ema yg minat music tue visit ema. i found out taht i wasn't alone. so many people are with me. but are u with me? hihihihi...saja ja menimbulkn pertanyaan, so that u guys could think 4 urself. what comes first? 

talent @ looks?

bagus sgt ke?

okay, obviously (tgok tajuk pun dah tau ema tgh hot!!) post kali nie sgt la sensitif ya...so, anybody yg baca half-way through lepas tue rasa mcm pedih sgt tue, plz stop k? x yah continue...(ema dah warn k? kalau korang baca gak & then rasa sakit hati, don't blame me!)

1-masjid
ramai org akn ckp buruk kalau ema x pegi masjid smbhyg. diorang akn mula lecture psl byknya pahala & ganjaran yg akn dpt kalau sembahyang dlm masjid, berapa byk malaikat doa kt kita...stuff like that la...not that i'm going against the fact yg bagus kalau pi masjid, but then, cuba pikir apa gunanya kalau pi masjid & then x leh concentrate masa ibadah? (panasnya! lambatnya imam nie smbahyang, asal mak cik kt sblh nie asyik sondoi2 bahu i nie? ketepi la sikit, budak sblh nie dok smbhyg ka tidoq?) now, u tell me, khusyuk x org tue kalau dia pikiaq mcm tue? akn dpt pahala byk2 ka? lps tue smntara tunggu azan Isyak, sembang2 & gossip2 psl org. even worse, ada yg buat homework dlm masjid. actually, someone told me that ur not allowed to bring hal2 duniawi dlm masjid, sbb itu mknanya kita tgh merendahkn martabat masjid itu sendiri sbg satu tmpt yg mulia. so, x blh la kan? kalau buat jugak, dpt dosa. so, people yg ingat diorang tgh bykkn pahal dgn pi masjid & do stuff like this, & they get dosa. rugi kan? 
ema bukn anti-masjid or anything. ema pegi masjid masa hari raya.  kisah la hari raya apa pun, insya-Allah, kalau x dak anything, ema pegi ngan my whole family. but then, i don't regret not going to the masjid when i was in college. coz i know that's wat i did & would do. sbb, waiting for time to pass by at the mosque is also tiring. tmbh lak ngan x dak pengisian while waiting 4 azan isyak. (at least, whenever i went to pray kt mosque, x dak apa2 pengisisan. so, i get tired & sleepy. in the end, solat i pun terisi ngan nguapan)

2-aurat
bnda nie mmg dah normal kan? balik2 psl aurat. smpai kepala otak pun dah pening. but ema x mo sentuh psl aurat, as in the konteks of aurat, apa batas2 aurat & stuff. ema nk ckp psl how we look at things at a different angle. rasanya semua dah tau kot apa mksudnya aurat, smpai mana kita kena tutup, bhgian2 aurat & stuff like that. what i wanna do now is to at last try & make u guys change in ur perception when looking at people. selalunya, org yg dah 'sempurna' tutup auratnya tue (at least diorang rasa diorang dah tutup la) akn tgok org lain ngan mata menyorot skit. diorang xkn ada intention pun nk ckp ngan org lain yg x tutup aurat ngan sempurna tu. well, it's not up to us to judge sapa yg tutup aurat ngan baik & sapa x. but sometimes, kita akn nmpk, but kjita x dak hak nk menjeling kt dia, or say something hurtful trhdp dia. sbb kita akn dpt dosa nanti. even dlm Islam, diskriminasi tue x wujud & x leh wujud. kita dilarang sgt2 utk mndiskiminasikn anybody. so, kalau kita nmpk anybody yg x brapa nk tutup aurat tue, kita kwn jelah ngan dia. bukn dpt dosa pun kalau kwn ngan dia. sbb, insya-Allah, dia akn trtarik ngan cara kita lyn dia, dia akn hormat kita sbg shbt muslim yg jaga aurat ngan baik, dia pun mungkin akn berubah mnjadi baik. bukn terus jadi perfect la! akn amik masa, but at least they're changing kan?
kalau nmpk anything kt TV, mcm artis pakai dress yg x dak lengan or anything, jgn terus ckp x cantik & bg komen buruk psl bnda tue. well, that's what i usually do. jgn ikut perasaan sgt. don't judge them. and also, jgn terus bg komen baik2 pada artis2 yg pakai tdung & stuff. sbbnya, diiorang still buat dosa. diorang mndedahkn aurat diorang, even while wearing tudung kan? still touchy2 dlm movie kan? hmm...so, pikir2 sndiri la. (no idea why i wrote that anyways...) kalau nmpk artis2 bukn Islam menari pakai skirt pendek @ baju pendek, jgn terus lemparkan komen 'teruk la dia tue! dia x malu ka pakai baju mcm tue? aku plak yg malu tgok dia!' dia mana tau apa tue aurat. dia ikut ja ckp director kan? lagipun, dia bukn Muslim, x dpt dosa pun kalau pakai baju pelik2. hahaha...you get what i'm trying to say?

tue je kot yg ema nk ckp mlm nie. ema just nk ubah persepsi korang in whatever you think is right. ema x nafikan yg smbhyg kt masjid tue bagus, tutup aurat itu baik & kwn ngan org yg tutup aurat tu baik...but kita kena pikir org lain jugak. kita kena tgok diri kita jugak. kalau diri kita mampu, baru buat. bila ckp psl topik aurat kan, i recalled something i always do when going out shopping. ema akn masuk kedai yg ada byk dresses & then pick up somehing yg i think has a cute colour, fabric @ cutting. i'll put it on myself & ask my sister about it. hahaha...hari tue, siap angkat skirt prs lutut. sgt la comel skirt tue, but then x leh pakai. i dunno why i do it. just for fun maybe. i also realize, people around me are looking & maybe wondering. 'budak nie biar betui? pakai tudung, baju lengan pnjg, tapi ada hati nk beli skirt pendek? haizz' hahaha...

.........

have u ever been in the situation as stinky as mine? 

where people don't even trust you when ur actually telling the truth? 

when u feel so down & wish the whole world would just stay quiet for one moment? 

when everybody would just shut up & stop blaming you for everything that had happened? 

seriously, i didn't do anything wrong...it was an accident! 

honest, ema nk niat pun utk bnda tue jadi...

it just happened...

i kept on saying sorry to Mr XY kat Watsons tadi

he said it's ok, coz he knew it was an accident...

tapi x sgka plak bnda nie akn jadi isu bsr bila smpai umah...

mama jadi furious, and x nk dgq ckp ema

she kept on talking about how i actually embarrassed not only myself, but my family as well

and ada a few stuff lagi yg dia ckp...

bila mama ckp bnda2 mcm tue, agk trsentuh la hati ni kan...

maka hati pun remuk-redam...

mata pun a bit berair...tapi daku tahan...

smpai masuk bilik, terus on computer...

sbb x tahan sgt...kang stgi meletup plak rumah nie...

The walls start breathing
My minds unweaving
Maybe it's best you leave me alone.
A weight is lifted
On this evening
I give the final blow.

i'm sorry

first of all, i would like to apologize to everybody who might get a bit angry or sad while reading this post. this post is dedicated to those who are unappreciative in so many ways. this post also goes out to those who don't understand what's going on life. those who just think life will be 

great the whole time, that life will be just the way you want it to be. 

to those who've hurt my feelings in so many ways. 

this goes out to you!

i just read a comment by a friend of mine, and she actually wished that her boyfriend would be as romantic as the other friend. seriously?! i actually told this friend earlier that her boyfriend (who happens to be my classmate while i was in matrix) that he is not the romantic kindda guy, he doesn't say 'I Love You' after each call, he's very 'ganas' but very sweet. back then, she said she's aware of it & that she loves him for who he is, blah3. now? what the hell? so, obviously, you don't understand love. love is something that differs from one person to another. guys have their own way of treating their sweethearts. i know i've never fell for a guy before, but watching movies & dramas let me know that guys are all different. that's why guys propose in different ways. some choose to walk down the park & kneel down, some choose to go Eiffel Tower, some dive in the deep blue ocean, some jump from a plane. bottom line is, they're all different & u can't expect them to treat you just like ur friend's bf treats ur friend. appreciate ur guy just the way he is kay?

are all women control freaks? seriously, are we? coz i can't stand watching women wrapping their man around their finger. i've seen my own friend constantly checking on her bf's e-mails & chat boxes, just to see how far is he telling the truth. i man, don't you trust ur man? and do you have to actually share ur facebook account? i seriously have problem with this. ok, maybe sharing is caring. but then do you have to lie? i mean, i honestly have faced this. i was chatting with XY the other day & i asked clearly, 'is this XY?' and the person says 'of course this is XY' so i kept on chatting & told XY wat i wanna say. then XY replied funnily, like with accent. XY never ever used accent, at least with me. so, i suspected something wrong. i texted XY after that. XY was absolutely happy & didn't day a word about the conversation we had online. that's when i knew XX was online using their SHARED account. what's so hard in saying, 'im sorry. XX here. XY is not online now' susah sgt ka nk explain? obviously XX doesn't trust XY. tension tau x? since then i trust nobody. whether its XY @ XX, i don't feel like starting a conversation.

acting cute

well, i was thinking bout how i like to act childish among kids. kids dlm konteks nie adlh kanak2 dalm lingkungan usia 1 hingga 10 kot. i dunno. tapi, yg i kow, i like to kacau2 them, main2 & tnya soalan bodow2 kt diorang. onc i spot a kiddo, the first thing i do is squat down & hold the kids hands, theyll stop & stare dulu. mungkin diorang pikir kot, 'sapa kakak nie? asal dia pengang tgn i?' but then muka diorang akn light p, sbb ada STRANGER paying attention towards them. first question i'll ask is, 'nama siapa?' dgn malunya, mata tgok kaki, kaki pulak menari2 satu style, diorang akn ckp nama diorang. sometimes tgn satu lagi akn diletakkn dlm mulut, sbb malu sgt kot! hee...


lps tue, satu2 soalan akn ema tnya smpai dia mcm nk lari. dia akn terus cari mak @ bapak dia, and probably akn ckp 'kakak tue tanya nama tadi' hahaha...budak2 sgt la comel u know? thats why i love them! how did all of these happen? well, semuanya brmula apabila.... (wahh, mcm dlm drama plak! huhuhuhu....)
story dia sikit ja pun. selalunya, masa ada kenduri-kendara nie, everybody meet up kan? kwn2 lama, family members semua akn gather & then gossip2, tukaq2 khabar, catch-up with one another and stuff. trust me, not only women do this, men too. when the talking starts, it seems like there's no ending to it. they get so excited in changing stories zmn budak2 dulu, cerita psl anak2, blah3... (i usually x suka dgq all these stuff, so i'll walk away. selalunya, ema akn cari tv. grab someone & then sit as close as possible to the tv. jahat kan i?? hihihi...) 
women nor men x suka dikacau when they're all so excited nk tukaq2 cerita, and sbgai tuan rumah, kitaorg la yg kena lyn budak2 & tetamu yg mai umah kan? dari kecik, my mum akn suruh me & my sister jaga the kids. plg x pun, kumpul all the kids in one room & make sure they don't make much noise & lyn jelah diorang. selalunya, i'll get the masak2 set for them, and all of them akn bukak restaurant & we'll be the customer. hihihi...tau mkn je kan?? basically i kena lyn gak all my little cousins & other people's anak as well. sgt la meletihkan u know? setiap budak ada karenah sndiri. sometimes, cosuin sendriri jelez ngan cara i lyn ank org lain. satu mslh pulak. penat den! hahaha...my grandma also treat me like i'm the eldest in the family, sbb i can do housework. kalau masak, mmg x lepas la. stakat clear2 rumah, sidai kain, kutip kain & lipat kain, layan tetamu, i ok la! so, when people mai rumah, my mum akn instruct me to take care of the kids in anything happens. kalau budak tue dahaga, nk minum air, 'Angah, tolong tuang air kt budak nie'. kalau budak tu nk pi toilet, 'Angah, bawak dia pi toilet sat' mcm2 la kerja i time tue.


no matter how tough the work to be a temporary 'nanny', but the attention i get from the kiddo is amazing. there was once a kiddo who was quiet got my full attention for a few hours & she didn't wanna let me go. she liked me i guess. hihihihhii...bila time salam2 tue, she didn't wanna let go of my hand. she held onto my hand & even told her grandma, 'nk bwk kakak nie balik rumah. kakak nie best!' i was shocked! my jaw dropped.the whole house stared at me. haiyo! what did i do? last2, grandma dia ckp, 'kakak nie x leh ikut kita. kakak nie kena balik rumah dia' immediately the kiddo's eyes dah mcm watery, ready to cry. her fingers were in her mouth, dunno what to do. i squat down & the i hugged her. i said, 'kakak ema syg sgt kat adik. len kali kita jumpa lagi k? jgn nangis2 k?' then budak tue pun merengek smpai ke front porch, still want me to follow her back home. her grandma had to drag her all the way back. it was a sad moment. kesian kt budak tue. huhuhuhu...
so, what's awaiting for me this raya? another drama? drama adik & kakak berpisah? hahaha...i'm sounding like a drama queen now. huhuhu...

malunya!!

owh my GOD! hmm...hari nie bgun punya awal, tukaq baju semua & then pegi hiking. bukn hiking pun, skadar naik turung tangga. menurut kak syira (nasy, i hope ur reading! hihihi) masa naik2 tangga tue, my sista saw something clinging from one tre to another, so she made her mind not to climb any further. i had to follow her though, sbb nanti kalau sesat, mampus la i kan? then, nmpk la a pack of dogs yg sgt la besar! i freaked out coz a big dog once chased me & barked at me wildly, SCARY tau??

lps tue, i ran around the trek with my sister, & i saw a gym. i thought to enter & maybe lose more weight kt situ, but then turned out yg kat situ only have Chinese ladies & a few Indian WOMEN working out smbil sembang2. x jadi la nk masuk kan? but then nmpk la kt dlm gym tue ada stuff yg ada kt around the trek. 'CEHH!' i went. hihihi...pusing punya pusing, then dah lmbt. mau balik sudah. on the way nk patah balik ke tmpt kitaorg park motor tue, kitaorg pass the gym one more time la. masa tue, i saw weights. weights yg mcm org Olympic angkat tue, besar punya! i pointed my finger at the weights from far, and some of the dudes kt dlm gym tue nmpk la me pointing finger. diorang kindda stopped at whatever they were doing & everybody kindda looked at me! oh, SHIT! bila i turned around in embarrassment, diorang laughed at me & then said something i could hardly hear! coz i was took embarrassed plus my sister was yelling at me coz i pointed my finger at the gym. haiyo!!

friendships are tested

ayat ini sgtlah cliche kan? stiap show atau reality tv shows, mesti akn disebut ayat yg sgt la popular tue. especially the narrator, dia akn ckp 'friendships will be tested' & then akn tunjuk clips on the next show that two friends will either be arguing with one another, or will walk away from one another, or move out from their shared apartments...mcm2 laa...(owh, nmpk sgt yg ema nie sgt la suka tgok TV shows kan?? heehee)
okay, back to the original topic, ema baru je dpt text kt fb from someone, claiming that her ex ckp yg she cheated on him, blah3...(penat tau psl cheating nie kan? tgok ema smpai buat punya byk post psl cheating. hahaha...) okeyh, she was a bit distracted by it, so i decided to call her. she pun suspect the other friend. she suspected the other friend to spill everything out to the ex bout her new boyfriend. she doesn't even trust this person anymore. haizz...mcm mana nie? so, then, i thought to myself la kan, when everything was all nice & fun, everbody around you pun u akn syg, akn trust with all ur heart. then, when something happens, ur trust pda that person dah pi mana dah. but then bila pikir2 balik kan, actually it's kindda her fault jugak la...sbb she once told her ex yg she'll never gonna couple again coz she don't wanna hurt her parents feelings, she wanna think of them only.

but then x leh blame her gak kan? sbb love is something very unexpected. out of the blue, u akn fall in love. just like me, i fall in love with the sky, the beautiful sun, the moon (i always give a flying kiss to the moon & i say 'I Love You' everytime i see a full moon!), cute cats (even if they're stray cats)...so, ema x leh slhkn semua org yg fall in love, sbb seriously, bnda2 nie kita x pikiaq pun nk buat, tapi kalau dh mai, nk buat cmna kan? hahaha...ema x brhk nk judge anyone or anything, just that this thingy wingy always bothers me. doesn't it hurt deep down inside? i don't know.


sometimes, i ask them tau, 'nape korang couple?' ada yg ckp 'sbb kwn2 aku masa tue semua couple. aku pun nk try tgok apa syok nya couple' & then these people akn break-up & then fall in love with another one.....over & over again.

Every girl wants prince charming

and while he may be nice and all

i want a guy who will come up from behind

and put his arms around me, 

and hold me, 

he`ll whisper 

in my ear that he loves me.

a guy who`ll lay awake at night, 

just thinking

 about me

a guy who`ll call at 3:00

 am just to tell me how much he misses me

he`d come over just after we got off the phone

because he wants to know how i`m really doing

because i said i was fine, 

but we both know i was 

lying

he`d kiss me on my forehead &

 tell me everything`s gonna be alright

he may not be prince charming to anyone else

but in my eyes, he`d fit the part perfectly

P/S: will there be a PRINCE CHARMING 4 me out there?

pop princess

so hari nie nk cerita skit psl Britney Spears. bukannya ema minat kt dia or anything. but then some of her songs are superb. lagu lama2 dia ok la, not bad. i remeber the old times, when i was in primary school, some of the students dance on stage with songs like 'Opps...I did It Again' & 'Hit Me Baby One More Time'. those were the days where Britney was shining bright. she only started her career in the industry. ramai x recall yg she was in the The Mickey Mouse Club back then with Christina Alguilera, Justin Timberlake & many others. 

she was cute & all young, so sweet, innocent and all kan? but then she changed 360 degrees after that. don't know what happened. but the thing is she changed & now the Britney yg kita tgok dlm paper & mags is the new Britney. she got married at the age of 22 to a guy named Jason Alexander at the Las Vegas chapel and their marriage lasted 55 hours. hahaha...wat a marriage. but then she said she was not thinking straight, blah3. who cares! so that was a downfall for her as well. she had no problems after that because she climbed her way back to victory until one day, during her concerts, she found K-Fed! she married him in the same year, when she was 22. then she had two babies, and everything was falling apart. she had to struggle playing the role of 'momma', she was smoking, drinking, the paparazzi chasing after her. she gained weight. haizz...lots of problems. then, she shaved her head bald! she hitted the paparazzi with an umbrella. haiyo!! she was well-known at these times.

then, she came up with this song, 'Gimme More' which was a flop, coz she was fat in the video, & was pole dancing. i didn't like the song either. but, her secong song, 'Piece Of Me' was HOWT! it was a song dedicated to everybody who was chasing after her, searching for every mistake she made, she seriously had no break! but after this song was out in stores, her popularity increased as well. but then, she was with this one dude, nama apa ntah. he claims himself to be a muslim, but then pakai necklace yg ada cross sign. haiz...
well, i didn;t want to go on babbling about Britney's life, sbb u guys of course la dah kenai ngan pop princess ni kan? but yesterday, i went on checking every music video she had, from her very first, 'Hit Me Baby One More Time' to 'Piece of Me' to 'If You Seek Amy' to 'Circus' just to see if she's practicing iluminiati all her life. and funny thing is in some of her videos, ada la sikit2 influence iluminiati, but then in others x dak plak. for example, dlm video 'Overprotected', she was in the toilet (during the first minute) & u'll notice that the floor is checkered. which i've posted before that it's the tiles in the Free Masonry churches. so...is it just a coincidence or what?
and then dalam video 'Toxic', she'll enter this secret place, where, she'll be stealing a potion, & she'll  go through laser beams & stuff. at approximately 2.43, akn nmpk something funny. its like she's standing in front of a round circle & that circle is turning, spinning. it could mean something, or nothing at all. but i felt something fishy there-but i don't know wat is it. 
then, dalam video 'Opps...I Did It Again', she wore this red skin-tight jumpsuit. the red jumpsuit was bloody red, which reminded me of Lady in Red (another iluminiati thingy wingy) The Lady in Red was believed to be surrounded by Satan (black) & diorang semua akn sesatkn kita. but then dlm video nie, her dancers were wearing white. was it done on purpose, or just another mere coincidence? i don't know. ada jugak in the song she'll be lying on this octagonal stage, it is actually the shape of an eye. 
dalam video 'Circus' plak, ada a few moments, where she'll be hiding @ covering one of her eyes, & revealing only one eye, which leads to 'The All Seeing Eye' which was believed to be the eye of Dajjal & Satan, watching us.
so, is Britney really practicing iluminiati? i don't know. but then honestly we've gotta beware of everything that's happening around us. 
Rihanna & Britney performed on Billboard Music Awards this year, they were performing S&M and Britney will wear a black outfit, while Rihanna wears a white outfit. black & white is also iluminiati. so...? i dunno la...
juz hoping & praying i'm not influenced by them. aminn~

the call

wahh, tgok la tajuk post ku hari nie..lawak kan? hihihi...before this auntie ema called us & told us that her son, my cousin was having problems adjusting to matriks. he is the kind of person yg slalu happy, x suka ckp psl education, homework & results. he likes to enjoy. his target is t set up a business & earn money. but then his dad x approve, so dia kena smbung bljr laa..hmm, and so yesterday i called him up, and i dunno wat to say & how to comfort him. i ended up laughing & making him laugh. that's the only option so that he doesn't feel stressed anymore kan?? hmm, dunno laa...kesian pun kesian gak, sbb dia second intake, so pressure's on. more homework, kena catch-up quickly & stuff...but then i'm pretty he'll catch-up...

just a while ago, i was on skype with my friend, nasy. she was a bit upset with the post on 'regrets'. well, bnda tue dah jadi pun, nothing yg blh kita buat kan? but funny thing is, she didn't balme me for it! hahaha...x tau laa...but it felt good that she was there, supporting me...hihihiihi...

P/S: sbnrnya, nk buat satu post psl Britney Spears, tapi x jadi la...sudah lmbt! haha...nanti2 laa...

regrets?

ema baru ja perasan yg ema x byk kenangan ngan kwn2 skolah lama kt matriks. walaupun kt matriks tue, punya la ramai kwn ema dpt, but i only realized now that i wasn't that close to then when i was there. hmm... 'where did i go wrong?' i wonder. i guess everything was wrong. i cannot blame yg kitaorg x doksatu blok coz ada ja kwn 2 ema yg stay satu blok ngan myself. i cannot blame the fact yg kitaorg semua different courses, sbb ada ja kwn2 yg sama course ngan ema. and then something clicks in my head! i used to always call them masa 1st week in matriks, during the orientation week. kitaorg semua byk habis credit handphone sbb asyik dok call kwn nie kwn tue, sbb sesat & x jumpa geng. can u imagine, dari pg smpai ke malam, we would sit together? i wasn't close to my roomates pun back then. mungkin sbb baru masuk, new environment kot...i don't know. 



dalam kuliah ema, i don't have any gang. i mean, ema kenal ayu dlm kuliah ema pun masa tgh2 sem 1. hahaha...seriously, masa tue x kenal nobody but ur own classmates. but then, itu pun x leh dijadikan excuse to why we were not close anymore kan? 
becoz, i still remember us having a study group in my room. ada dlm 6 org bljr together ngan ema masa tue. kitaorg study biology sama2. tapi sayang, that was the only study group yg kitaorg ever had. lps tue, semua dah mula ngan klas sndiri, no time to even see one another.
haiz...tapi i could actually eat with them kan? tapi diorang plak mkn time yg x sama ngan ema. 


haizz...tapi seriously, i got close to my roomates than i was with my own friends. i got to know everything & anything about my roomates, from their family backgrounds, to how they study to their current relationships & even their friends. but i know nothing bout my own friends. pathetic huh? i don't know which guy are they talking about, who they liked, latest gossips about those guys. i know nothing! hahahha...and it sucks when i asked them about who they;'re talking about & they go, 'hmm, nothing la...just ignore us!' but its strange how they know everything about me. the guys yg in my life semua diorang tau, but the guys yg in their life, satu pun i don't know. it seemed like i was outdated, when it comes to personal issues.

but, guess wat? it doesn't matter anymore. those stuff were in the past. i should have done something, but i did nothing! even during ramadhan, i can only recall once, where all of us sat down on one table & ate our meals. that was the only time i guess. hmmm, now, im missing all of them dearly, so badly! i wish i could turn back time & changed everything. changed my time table, so that i have time to spend with them. changed my lifestyle, so that i could eat & jog with them every evening. changed everything, so that they would not call me 'sombong' but, that's impossible. 

love & cheat

byk sgt post yg ema cerita psl love kan?? hihihih...but then hari nie, ema nk share stuff yg ema tgok & experience sndiri. actually, ema x penah pun fall in love...but then kalau kata x penah fall in love tue, mmg ema tipu la. ema byk kali fall in love-ngan ciptaan Allah (mcm ari nie, ema fall in love ngan a small, cute puppy yg ema jumpa kt dpn kedai apek), lagu2 ciptaan manusia (contohnya, mcm lagu Rascal Flatts, Nick Lachey, Anuar Zain), character2 dlm filem @ drama (contoh mcm Fahrin Ahmad dlm Dalil Cinta), budak2 comey yg ema jumpa kt mana2...sgt byk! but i've never fell in love, as in the LOVE thingy wingy! hahaha, wat the hell am i talking?


ema tgok 'Lipstick Jungle' ari nie, and in this particular episode yg ema tgok, one of the character yg dilakonkan oleh Brooke Shields, she cheated on her husband. i mean, she's the only person i look up to in this series, sbb dia brkerjaya, has a wonderful family with two kids, & yet blh hang out with her buddies. but then she got sacked recently, and had nothing to do her husband flew somewhere on a business trip, she's left with her son. so, she tagged along ngan another parent, who is a guy & the hang out ngan that guy the whole day. and by night time, that guy kissed her. she felt so damn guilty coz she's married & all, but she confessed afterwards that she liked it. 'Oh, SHIT!' i went from the couch! i just couldn't believe this! how could you say this? haiyo!!

but then bila pikir balik, she became like this becoz she didn't have anything to keep her busy. from working about 8 hours a day to nothing to do on the other day, is hard actually kan? hmmm...so then i forgave her. hahaha...then, it clicks me, that this scenario happens to people around us. walaupun bukan dlm the same situation as Brooke Shields (a kiss from another man), people still cheat in other ways. contohnya, dlm kes org lain, bf dia x lyn dia, & so dia flirt & lyn laki lain. that's still cheating kan? or, dia totally ignore bf dia & then keluar ngan laki lain, and eventually fall in love. still cheating kan? sometimes, even mmbalas mesej @ answer calls from another man in the middle of the night instead of the bf pun salah kan? still cheating kan?

promise rings, trend skrg

mcm wedding vows, suami isteri akn janji never to cheat on one another, to be with one another, till death do them part; people yang dlm relationship pun do the same kan? janji xkn curang, janji akn tetap sayang, janji akn terus setia, janji xkn layan laki @ pompuan lain...tapi bila diorang langgar janji yg diorang buat, itu kira salah kan? hmm, i understand Brooke Shields position in the series, but will i understand people yg 'cheat' in a relationship, given other situations? i don't know. maybe i will & maybe i won't, sbb, i can't stand the whole cheating concept itself dlm a relationship. how could u juz end a relationship just becoz u found another man?  man who is more interesting than the man u have now? let me tell u something la kan? every man is interesting in the beginning of a relationship. then, bila kita dah tau semua psl dia, keluarga dia, cerita lama dia, history dia, kita akn mula naik bosan. trust me, ur relationship won't last more than two years. people i've known through these years have been in a relationship, but didn't last more than a year. some barely reaching a year. itu pun, relationship diorang dah agak basi bila masuk the 1st year.

some people x than ngan ujian mcm being apart, x mesej selalu, x call selalu. diorang ckp, 'dia dah x syg kat aku. dia dah x amik kisah psl aku' hmm, is it true? x tau la...but then kalau harap nk calling2 slalu, teruk laa...mcm mana nk study? sbbnya, lps calling2, msti kpala otak dah x leh nk concentrate study, sbb pikir ayat2 manis si dia, bygkn muka si dia, lwk2 jenaka yg dia ckp...hmm, kalau tiap2 hari mcm nie, nahas laa...mcm mana nk score? hidup mcm mana? lps kawen nanti mcm mana nk sara anak bini? haiz...ramai x pikir bnda2 nie...atau mungkin ema yg pikir byk kot! hihihii....x tau laa...but let me tell u something. ema x rasa ema akn fall in love like many others. my dad had told me long ago that guys can never be trusted. never trust a word they say. never let them control you. at first, i didn't believe in him. i went to college & i knew everything he said was true! thanks dad! his wise words taught me a lot. i also discovered that not many parents told their children what dad told me. =)

found this...it's true though! @_@

kenduri tahlil

okay, so today was a big day for our family. ari nie kitaorg buat kenduri tahlil utk arwah tok (sblh abah) yg dah meninggal lama, almost 14 years ago. but then it's a tradition for my family to buat kenduri nie, buat kt umah ema. so pagi tadi nenek & mak dah bising2 suruh bgun pagi...bgun2, gosok gigi, mkn cereal & minum susu, watch korean drama smbil tukaq cushion cover. lps tukaq cushin cover, terus gantung langsir plak. mmg no break la...penat gila nk mampus!! lagi tension bila nk gantung langsir kt kitchen. sbb pin yg kena masuk kt ats railing tue x nk masuk! asyik keluar balik!! bnci tau x? dah la kena pnjat mengalahkn chimpanzee, gayut kt tingkap! haiz...ema mmg byk mengomel kt ats tingkap tue...nenek dah bising2 time tue! hihihihi...

mcm ni la rupanya, cuma mak ltk balik dlm watermelon

guna scooper mcm ni la

lps tue, ema tlg mak prepare dessert utk tetamu (yg terdiri drpd mak cik2, pak cik2 & cousins ema sndiri) mak guna spoon utk scrape watermelon into cute balls & then cucuk pakai toothpicks. mak plak scrape watermelon tue smpai habis, & then susun tiny watermelon balls tue dlm watermelon tue balik! mmg vogue habis laa!! style org puteh punya cocktail gitu! hihihihi...& then tolong mak hmpaq tikar, mkn nasi & then pack nasi...mmg byk la kerja kan??

abah balik sembahyang jumaat & decided to read tahlil together. so, my sis, bro & i sat down in the hall & baca Yaasin together ngan abah. it went on smoothly until time abh baca doa sndiri punya laa...i mean doa tahlil semua dah sudah! abah sajja nk baca doa sendiri2...masa abah start baca doa, ema dah menitik air mata sbb doa abah sgt la sayu! abah ckp psl arwah tok. walaupun arwah atok meninggal masa ema kecik, sebak kehilangan atok masih terasa. abah mcm ingatkn kitaorg yg lain that Allah blh tarik nyawa anytime, then it hits me. life on Earth x sure lg utk kita. bila kita mati, Allah ja tau! then abah say thansk to Allah sbb ema dpt offer masuk USM. abah ckp pnjg2, smpai kak ema pun nangis, sbb ayat abah sgt la sayu! hmm, malu gak sbb nangis dpn adik ema. dia mcm tgok ulang2 kali, sbb x caya ema nangis. hhuhhuh...masa salam ngan abah, kak ema & ema dah mula marah2 abah, sbb baca doa sayu2, smpai dua2 nangis...huhuhuu...abah gelak jelah! hihiiihi...

hmm...then lyn pak cik2, mak cik2 yg mai umah. it started as a very boring conversation, sbb i was sitting with the mak cik2 & they were talking bout gossips yg ema x tau apa bnda pun...then ema dok ngan abah, dpn tv, terus rancak perbualan antara kitaorg! semua terus tgok kitaorg! i mean the attention terus tukar arus! hahaha...kitaorg gossip gak actually! but pasal artis2 malaysia! dari AF9 to Lagenda Budak Setan to Sembilu...hahahaha...mmg lawak la...and then diorang pun balik la sbb dah lmbt! & then its time to clear up! lagi penat!! hahaha....but it was a fun experience!

webcam

webcam ku di laptop yg baru dibeli mmbuat hal...maksud sya dgn mmbuat hal adlh x dak program utk activate webcam saya. sya dah la org baru dlm hal2 brkaitan webcam nie...saya x tau mcm mana nk operate...huhuhuu...
tapi, alhamdulillah, lps saya install skype, saya blh plak online & sembang sbntr ngn cousin saya, adalah dlm 45 minit...haahahaha...after that, only i realized that i actually had a CD yg perlu di'install'kan 4 da webcam to work. hahahaha....malu muka aja...but then it was actually fun webcamming with people...i mean, my grandma was super excited about it...& she also talked to my cousin 4 a while...

breakfast

i hate to admit this, but this is the first time i really had cereal with milk for breakfast. sgt mengenyangkn actually! but then rasa mcm nk muntah towards the end. haiz...mungkin sbb x penah mkn cereal with milk kot! hihihii...malu tau x nk admit! hmm, but then bnda nie dah berlalu, & i think i wanna keep it up. sbb dgn mkn cereal with milk la, ema dpt minum susu. skali pun jadilah kan? asalkan tulang2 ema semua smakin kuat! hihihihi...

KELANTAN

haiz, Kelantan, sebuah negeri yg terletak di bhgian Timur Semenanjung Malaysia. masyarakatnya 'dikatakan' bersifat puak2. the people x blh nk mix ngan other people besides themselves, so, it's really a challenge to actually blend with them, being their friends. diorang mkn budu & ada 'slank' bila ckp. a weird slank...mmg sgt susah nk tangkap wat they say...trust me, i've asked my friend what he was trying to say for almost 6 times, until i finally understood what he was trying to say. hahaha....


& then now, ema akn pegi situ plak. i've never liked Kelantan that much all this while. i mean, kalau ckp psl food, Penang's the best! kalau ckp psl mall, Penang's still the best! kalau ckp psl the 'slank', i love Penang's slank! hahaha...the way a word is pronounced is funny & lovely! i love learning a new Penang kampung word. it's fun!! 


ema masih x pegi Kelantan lagi, & so much people are 'perli'ing Kelantan. as in, theway i'll be talking & the food i eat after this. feeling kindda stressed as well...sbb x suka la org tgok mcm tue...huhuhuhuh....mcm mana nie? adkh saya akn trlepas & excel?? insya-Allah, i'll try my best! at any point in life, kita mmg kena bjr bnda dari org kan? it'll bring good memories, i hope! insya-Allah...


ema pkai wrna merah sbb Kelantan punya jata wrna merah kan? hihihii...

P/S: i trust in Him, I know there's a reason He's doing this to me.

patience

being patient hurts a lot! but the feeling you get after being patient is wonderful.

i think i've been patient all my life.

i was patient when my own friend betrayed me. 

i was patient when i was left out in school becoz i spoke English

i was patient when my friends made up stories between me & my teacher

i was patient when i was left alone in the dark by my ex-roomates

i was patient when a guy put up his middle finger at me

i was patient when rumours spread about me & Mr. Smiley

i was patient when she had her stares at me all the time

i was patient with Mr Sarcasm the whole time we WERE friends

i was patient with my siblings when it comes to fights

i was patient with my mum screaming & yelling at my face

i was patient with my dad's compliments on every dish i cooked

i was patient with my grandma who thinks a girl should not be talking to boys

i was patient with my sister when she exposed the late night calls from Mr S

i was patient to text back to Mr Sarcasm whenever he texts

& now i'm sick of being patient! i think i wanna shut up & continue life-without talking! i mean, something terrible happened yesterday between me & my sister. & just now something happened between me & my brother-which affects my mum & dad as well. yeah, they were mad at me too. but what my brother did was totally unaccepted. but who cares, right? nobody gives a shit about me! im the black sheep in the family! always been & will always be, i guess? he actually kicked my Barney pillow, which was a gift by someone, till the doorstep! i mean, come on! the doorstep? the pillow is now dirty, with dust & dirt from who-knows-where! i raised my voice at him, but he just walked away. i brought the issue to my mum, but then she pretended it was nothing! i was still mad, but dad didn't let it go. he kept on saying over & over again that it was a small matter! i mean, it's a gift! well, it doesn't matter anymore, now. my whole family is against me, and i'm standing with myself. i only have myself to trust! and that's what i'll be doing. 

just now, i received a text from Mr Sarcasm. he asked me bout USM, & i didn't reply him back. i'm just tired of being betrayed. i'm sorry, but the best thing now is to ignore you completely. i don't know who i am to you, or who i was to you. hmm, & when i thought i got everything under control, i heard this song. The Script-the first time. this particular song reminded me of him, coz i was the one who introduced the song to him. to me, this song was about him & her. & listening to this song, reminded me of him. but, nothing means anything now, rite? so, don't bother laa...

paint!

hari nie bgun awal sgt, dlm pukul 8 pg dah bgun, smpai mak menjerit2 suruh bgun! haiz..lps tue, terus start cat rumah. ema start ngan dinding living room & then beralih ke siling, yg sgt la susah. bila jam masuk pukul 11.30 mcm tue, mak ema suruh ema terus cat siling hall smpai habis. ema pun pnjt la tangga & then cat pakai roller. sgt la susah! but then sbb kesian kt mak yg puasa, ema buat gak smpai habis satu siling ema cat. kakak ema blh ja buat, but then dia gayat, so semua kerja mengecat siling hall jadi a bit mcm caca marba, patchy2 & so ema yg buat bg a little perfect la kot. hihihihi...bila berdiri kt ats tue, & cat, semua nmpk sgt la cantik, lps dah kering, barulah nmpk betapa cacatnya kitaorg buat 'art'! hahaha...tapi nasib baik nie cuma paint putih, sbb nk cover cat hijau sblm nie. isnin nanti baru cat purple. hmm...mak & kaka dah ckp awal2, ema cat siling shja! haiz...

tapi yg lawaknya, bila ema cat siling tue, mak ema bg ja ema dgr mp3 smbil cat & biarpun ema nyanyi masa cat, mak ema x kisah. & then bila ema mintak adik ema psg radio, mak x kisah pun. sbbnya, ema tgh buat kerja & cat siling! hahaahaha....tapi mak x kisah pun, mak ckp, asalkan ema siapkan cat siling smpai habis, mak x kisah ema buat apa pun! so, melalak la ema pg tadi, smpai hujan lebat! hihihihi....

nmpknya, diam itu adlh satu cara utk ema thn marah, sbb itulah ema mnghadapi mslh emotional smlm. but then pg tadi, when i let things go the way they wanted it to be, diorang turn to me balik. so, i think i have to work on my anger management, kena lebihkn diam dari bercakap, bila ema marah @ x puas hati trhdp something. hmm...a lesson to be learned.

not referring her as a cat or anything,
but this is how she would stare at me from far.

satu lagi, ema x fhm kenapa ema mimpi 'you' ptg tadi. its like 'you' ajak ema keluar to a party yg 'she' kindda organized or attended. at that moment i felt like we were friends & i thought to myself, 'will i ever get the chance to snap a pic of us?' & then it hits me, mana boleh, sbbnya, you belong to her! even in my dream, i could feel her cold stare at me while she's sippping her drink slowly. haiz...why? is this a sign?

by the way, i've always wanted to shout & sing this to ur face, but i can't coz there's nothing between us now. yesterday, i thought of all the things we said to one another, all the things i did to you. stuff like, waking you up, covering u up when u didn't show up to mentor mentee, how i gave u advice on her, the confession...it doesn't mean anything now, does it? one more thing that i thought about yesterday was how stupid i was to call you at 2.30 am & cried to you becoz i can't sleep. and we talked for almost an hour, coz i was crying so hard, i could barely speak. thinking about it now, i felt ashamed of calling you, crying to you & opening up to you. the first time we spoke to one another was weird, i helped you use the Bunsen burner the correct way in the Chemistry experiment. i doubt you'll remember that. whatever it is, this is for you!

You treat me just like another stranger

Well, it's nice to meet you, sir

I guess I'll go, I best be on my way out

Ignorance is your new best friend

you treat me like a stranger, now that you have her in you life. i'll be gone, if that's what you want. i'll leave from ur life, leave from all those stupid memories i cherished. but wait, i guess i'll start flushing all those stuff about you & me down the drain, or maybe toilet bowl. you're ignoring me now-COMPLETELY! but, it's ok. i'm strong enough to say, i'm DONE with YOU! thanks, mate!

P/S: trust me, if you were in front of me, i'd blow up!

tonight i wanna cry

sbnrnya, 'tonight i wanna cry' is a song, kalau x silap la. sbb penah tgok dlm Youtube, video tue. hmm, ape2 jelah. but its true yg mlm nie, rasa mcm nk nangis ja. tadi dah nangis 3 kali. hmm, ntah la knapa. i just feel like breaking down & cry. no idea why, i already posted two posts at my blog. dua2 pun a bit emo type.

actually, i just found out why i felt like crying. ema sbnrnya, tgh thn dari marah. sbb tue, ema nangis. it's like, when u hold back ur anger & temper inside of you, you'll start to have the choking feeling. next, akn mula rasa pedih & perit kt nhgian tekak. & then tears start swelling in the eyes. then u cry! Ta-da! that's the sequence. hhahahaa...

just a while ago i thought of calling someone & screaming about what i'm feeling right now. but then who should i call?
#1- bestie? {dia tgh study pre-med. she only has 1 month to prove to herself that she can do it}
#2- ex roomate? (dia tgh happy2 ngan psgn dia. i dont wanna ruin her romantic night}
#3- Mr Smiley? {what can he do? dia hnya mampu mndgr...& he might be laughing coz it's LAME! &    
                           mungkin dia dah tidoq}
#4- Mr Sarcasm? {i don't think i should be calling him. after everything yg dah trjadi between us, wait-
                             anything happened between us ka? hmm...ntahlaa...its too complicated to cerita. anyways,
                             i don't think he's my friend. hmm...}

& then everything mcm makes sense. i need to deal with my own problems. diorang ada diorang punya own life, own family...ema x leh disturb diorang, just becoz i don't feel happy, just becoz i'm sad & moody.
so, here i am.

M-U-S-I-C

seriously, music helps me out whenever i feel down, mad, angry, sad...so many emotions...

& yet, music is the only thing that understands how i feel

x kisah laa lagu apa pun...org puteh ke, org melayu ke...

it just helps me soothe back my mind.

i mean, ema bru je sedih2 & then dgr pulak lagu 'move along' dari The All American Rejects. hmpir menitiskn air mata. well, mmg dah menitis air mata pun...huhuuhuh....

bila ema x suka kt someone, & then a song plays, ema akn pikir, 'this song is made for me'

mcm music understands my soul, my feeling.

music is awesome.

it changes you.

its NOT fair!

apa2 yg ema tulis kt sini hari ini adlh perasaan ema yg asli, that is MAD & tak puas hati! ema dah lalui byk dlm satu hari ini, hari Rabu yg agk luar biasa! hahaha...or maybe it should be, huhuhuh? watever!

#1-nobody trusts me

well, he called again this morning, about 1.10 am. ema terus tkn butang merah, not answering his call, though i was half awake masa tue. then he called again. same thing, tekan butang merah. then ema terus silent kn hp ema. i can't keep on tekan butang merah kan? hmm...pagi2, ema mesej dia, ckp sorry. & then ema mesej roomate ema, tnya mcm mana nk deal ngan bnda nie. bila hp ema bunyi, mak ema terus tnya whether it was him. i got mad & said it wasn't him. adik ema pulak tnya whether he called me last night. ema ckp x, tapi mak ema x percaya. trpksa ema tunjuk call history kt mak. haizz...smpai ke situ diorang x prcaya kt ema.

#2-don't judge me

kalau x suka my fashion sense, shut up! jgn ckp apa2. i didn't ask 4 ur advice or anything! kalau u dah ckp u x suka kt my fashion sense, never like them! ini x, bila ema angkat something yg i think is nice, she would make faces. & then suddenly je ckp, 'i wanna change!' don't u remember all those hurtful critisism you've said to me? how u let me down whenever i feel so happy with watever i wear? how u would say 'that's weird?' & i would stand up on my own, showing confidence, coz i love what i wear, then i get compliments from people. & then u guys nk ikut? huh! 

i know i'm different! i wear different clothes than anybody in my family. i was the first to wear wedges instead of high heeled shoes. i bought myself a platform sandals, & it was in purple! haha, but i love it! i was the first to wear a mini dress with a thick overcoat. i was the first to wear a fitted dress & 'some' people looked at me one kind, like 'is this girl studying in an islamic school?' i was the first to wear khakis in my family! i was the first who had the nerve to debate with my typical uncle about almost everything! i was the first to express how i loved somebody openly, not worrying about how they think about me & stuff! i just don't care, but people looked at me one kind! i sucked everything in & moved on!

#3-i take the blame

so me & my siblings, we don't get along that well. especially when it comes to the TV. i have my own programmes & TY shows i've been watching all this while, & when my sis comes back, we fight over the TV. she doesn't watch whatever i watch & so do i. & then my brother, he has his moods. sometimes, he's ok, sometimes he's not! most of the time, he doesn't have a good mood. i agree i don't have that much patience. so, ema akn cpt melenting dgn suara ema yg sgt la nyaring! & i'll have to take the blame. sometimes, he says & do things & put the blame on me. bila abah marah, semua akn bangkit pergi leaving me alone, looking guilty. that's how things are in this house! everything's wrong with me. they get things going the way they wanted. mum is always on their side. whether it's the TV, food, anything at all. they'll win!

i don't know if i'm supposed to believe that being 2nd in the family has anything to do with all of these. i mean, i'm different. i do stuff the way i want to. i don't care what u guys think of me. say all you want, this is me. & i love ME! hmm...its that simple. i guess, i live a simple life. i eat, sleep, live, talk dress the way i want to. but then, i'll be facing problems in the future. well, nobody's perfect. even now, people are watching me, to see when will i fall. i fell once, & i stood up. yet, people are keeping a close eye on me, waiting & asking themselves, when will i fall again?

youth park

pagi tadi ema menerima phone call mengejut dari seorg kwn...well, dia sbnrnya kwn roomate ema dulu. he called at 3.15 am, & i was shocked! i answered the call dgn mata separuh trpejam, wondering what he wants. & he called 3 times to be exact. ema ckp ngan dia 5 minit je lah. i told him i was tired & needed some restm coz i'll be up to jog at 6.30 am. but then ema x jadi bgun pukul 6.30 pun! hihihii...i ended up waking up at 7.15 am & then terus pegi Youth Park. ema pun lari dua round keliling pdg yg agak besar! mmg lenguh kaki semua, & i was panting! malu kat pak cik tua yg lari 3 round non-stop! haiyo!! 

warna cat rumah (this purple)

lps tue, balik rumah, keluar balik, beli cat sbb nk cat rumah warna purple light! hahaha...& then balik rumah, perhangat kuah & nasi, & then ema terus tido! sbb ngantuk gila! bangun2 pukul 5.00 pm, perut lapar. cari mkn dulu...hihihihi...ema pun mkn tau fu far! hahaha....mak dah belikn ema kerang! besok nk msk kerang!! yay!!

P/S: ema x sgka plak thecall pukul 3.15 pagi tue akn jdi big deal. i mean he called, i answered & then i told him i wanna sleep. he pun hung up. then kitaorg x mesej dah. perlu kah bnda nie diperbesarkan? ema dah janji xkn angkat call dia dah. im sorry laa...ema pun x tau nk buat mcm mana...