its NOT fair!

apa2 yg ema tulis kt sini hari ini adlh perasaan ema yg asli, that is MAD & tak puas hati! ema dah lalui byk dlm satu hari ini, hari Rabu yg agk luar biasa! hahaha...or maybe it should be, huhuhuh? watever!

#1-nobody trusts me

well, he called again this morning, about 1.10 am. ema terus tkn butang merah, not answering his call, though i was half awake masa tue. then he called again. same thing, tekan butang merah. then ema terus silent kn hp ema. i can't keep on tekan butang merah kan? hmm...pagi2, ema mesej dia, ckp sorry. & then ema mesej roomate ema, tnya mcm mana nk deal ngan bnda nie. bila hp ema bunyi, mak ema terus tnya whether it was him. i got mad & said it wasn't him. adik ema pulak tnya whether he called me last night. ema ckp x, tapi mak ema x percaya. trpksa ema tunjuk call history kt mak. haizz...smpai ke situ diorang x prcaya kt ema.

#2-don't judge me

kalau x suka my fashion sense, shut up! jgn ckp apa2. i didn't ask 4 ur advice or anything! kalau u dah ckp u x suka kt my fashion sense, never like them! ini x, bila ema angkat something yg i think is nice, she would make faces. & then suddenly je ckp, 'i wanna change!' don't u remember all those hurtful critisism you've said to me? how u let me down whenever i feel so happy with watever i wear? how u would say 'that's weird?' & i would stand up on my own, showing confidence, coz i love what i wear, then i get compliments from people. & then u guys nk ikut? huh! 

i know i'm different! i wear different clothes than anybody in my family. i was the first to wear wedges instead of high heeled shoes. i bought myself a platform sandals, & it was in purple! haha, but i love it! i was the first to wear a mini dress with a thick overcoat. i was the first to wear a fitted dress & 'some' people looked at me one kind, like 'is this girl studying in an islamic school?' i was the first to wear khakis in my family! i was the first who had the nerve to debate with my typical uncle about almost everything! i was the first to express how i loved somebody openly, not worrying about how they think about me & stuff! i just don't care, but people looked at me one kind! i sucked everything in & moved on!

#3-i take the blame

so me & my siblings, we don't get along that well. especially when it comes to the TV. i have my own programmes & TY shows i've been watching all this while, & when my sis comes back, we fight over the TV. she doesn't watch whatever i watch & so do i. & then my brother, he has his moods. sometimes, he's ok, sometimes he's not! most of the time, he doesn't have a good mood. i agree i don't have that much patience. so, ema akn cpt melenting dgn suara ema yg sgt la nyaring! & i'll have to take the blame. sometimes, he says & do things & put the blame on me. bila abah marah, semua akn bangkit pergi leaving me alone, looking guilty. that's how things are in this house! everything's wrong with me. they get things going the way they wanted. mum is always on their side. whether it's the TV, food, anything at all. they'll win!

i don't know if i'm supposed to believe that being 2nd in the family has anything to do with all of these. i mean, i'm different. i do stuff the way i want to. i don't care what u guys think of me. say all you want, this is me. & i love ME! hmm...its that simple. i guess, i live a simple life. i eat, sleep, live, talk dress the way i want to. but then, i'll be facing problems in the future. well, nobody's perfect. even now, people are watching me, to see when will i fall. i fell once, & i stood up. yet, people are keeping a close eye on me, waiting & asking themselves, when will i fall again?