compare

people love to compare. compare in this context means a lot, a wide scope. from parents comparing our marks in exams with our classmates to occupation and life partners. people go on comparing. 
and tonight, i would want to open up a little bit about myself. and how people still is comparing me to others. since i was a little girl, i hate being compared to others, including my cousins. i have 3 cousins all of the same age, all girls. and we compete against each other when we were younger. but once i entered high school, i realized, i was losing the battle, and i told my mum to stop comparing myself and them, coz i will never be anything like them. i will never score that high like them. i will never be the top in my class, like them. i will never be able to speak as fluent as them. and so, my mum accepted me for who i am and stopped comparing me to others. even then, she can't help it and said, 'She got 1st in class' or 'she passed her add math paper, and you failed this paper. i'm worried ema. when will you get an A for add math?' and all i do is shout and scream and warn her not to compare. i told her this, 'i am me. i study my way. i don't care how other people study and i don't wanna know about it. stop comparing me to others, anyone! stop!'
and she did. she stopped telling me about how her friends' daughters scored. she shut me off her world. she let me study on my own, at my own pace. and, Alhamdulillah, with Allah's will, i did. i did prove to her, my family, myself that i can do this without needing any 'boosters' from my mum on how other people is doing in their studies. 
as you all know, i am a Muslim who studied 5 years in an Islamic school. when you enter an Islamic school, you are being judged by the community. the community wants to see how much i've changed since i entered the school. and trust me, they're not the only ones judging me. sad to say, my aunts are comparing me to their daughters who turn up to be a better person than me, despite the fact that they NEVER stepped into an Islamic school. it hurts so bad, knowing i'm supposed to defend myself, when i know i'm not that good, in fact, i know 'm very bad. 
i thought things would end there, coz now i'm a big girl, an adult i would say. but when i have another cousin who is 13 who entered an Islamic school, just like me, people have started to compare me and her. how quiet she is and how loud i am. how i listen to music, and how she's so lost from the world. how petite and shy she is and how spontaneous i am. how she not smile to strangers and how i smile and talk to strangers. every aspect! 
and how am i supposed to accept the fact that i'm great in their eyes? they look at me with respect because i am a Muslimah the modern way. but how am i to believe all this when the comparing thing still hasn't come to an end?