Just go with it!

Assalamualaikum readers.

Today i would like to talk on a rather sensitive topic. Marriage. Again.

I have been on this topic a lot lately.

1. My friend is getting married soon
2. Another friend was in the getting-to-know-each-other phase with a potential candidate
3. Just watched a Hindi movie where parents match make their children for future of their business
4. I was just wondering about my life as a wife. What??

Anyways...

I've been avoiding this topic because i was always not sure if i could ever get through with it.

Thinking about it makes me nervous. Like, will we live together forever...happily?

Will we get through everything together?

Will i ever know if he is the one?

So much uncertainty.

And then...
I thought.

Well, when i got myself a cat, i also had all tge negarive thoughts.

-will the cat be happy?
-will the space in my room sufficient for it?
-have i got everything for a cat?
-am i ready to be a cat owner?

And once the cat was in the house, i had so many MORE questions.

- Is it okay if he doesnt drink water?
- Does kitten sleep all the time?
- Why is it having diarrhea?

And i seek help from the internet and people...

...and it helped me through accustomed to being a cat owner.

I am still learning about my cat on a daily basis. He is showing more and more of his personality and it surprises me even to this day.

What im trying to say is...

You will never know what it feels like (eg: registering to a new school, buying a new car, getting married, having a child, taking care of a sick person, babysitting your niece, yadda yaddaa...), until you just take a plunge into it with an open mind.

No matter how much you prepare yourself for the situation, you'll end up knowing VERY LITTLE about it.

You will learn more and more about the subject as time passes.

And trust me, waiting to be PREPARED will almost never come.
Just like sitting for an exam. You were given 3 weeks to prepare for the exam. But the night before the exam, you'll still be shitting in your pants, going through all the notes, screaming because you are thinking about the questions that might come out for the exams, tossing and turning on the bed singing yourself to sleep...
And only after you've sat for the exam, you find out what things that you still havent understood, havent completely mastered.

But thats what exams are for right?

Same goes with life.

Its an ongoing process of learning.

Same goes with marriage. Living with another person is difficult,yes no doubt about it.
You will have to learn on how to share, how to communicate, how to love. But again...its a learning process.

Our parents didnt get to know each other over 3 months of marriage nd lived happily. It took them years and years of learningbfor them to be where they are now. And most of them would say, she/he was so mych different after marriage, it feltnlike i married a whole different person.

My advice, no matter what situation you are in, close your eyes, take a breather, and take the plunge.

If you are forever afraid of the UNKNOWN, you'll NEVER live your life.

P/S: hit the gym for the first time last night. Had great fun, laughed, made a fool of myself. But hey, i ENJOYED it.

STOP being passive audience

Assalamualaikum readers.

This entry is dedicated to all movie lovers, drama lovers and all sitcom lovers. We all love a good time watching the TV, binging on chocolates and popcorns, drooling over the cute couple in the series and feeling like throwing a chair towards the villain in a movie. YES.

But today I wanna ask everyone a question, “What did you learn after watching a movie/drama?”

Did you learn anything at all?

Hmm…

Actually watching a movie should be just a hobby, to pass the time, make you feel less stressed and refreshed. Yes. But you also need to get something out of the movie/drama. You need to learn something or get some advice from it as well. If not, you’re just kindda wasting your time.

For example, I have been watching The Good Wife since Season 1, then I stopped after Season 5 or 6, I can’t remember. What have I learnt throughout the seasons?

Politics sucks. Lawyers can take advantage of a situation to their own benefit. Like how Alicia Florrick asked for favours from Peter while she was a newbie at the firm, she took a lot of quick turns with just a phone call to Peter and she suddenly gets all the information she needs within a few days, sometimes in a few hours. Even the judge knows her in court, and there already an upperhand towards winning a case if the judge knows you.

I also watched Scandal for a few seasons. Almost the same story, politics sucks. That a politician will do whatever to stay on top. Almost all politicians somehow would turn into a bad guy, when he is at the top. The guy who cheats on his wife, but still puts on a good face when he is out in public. Undercover operations to clean up messes for the ones who can pay for the team.

Crazy world we live in.

All of these make me think and wonder what else could be going on in the world that we don’t know about. What are the politicians and rulers of countries thinking and controlling? Are we ever going to know about them? Who’s the good guy? Who’s the bad guy?

Now, I wanna go on a little further into Malay dramas. I watch them sometimes. Malay dramas are a little different. Lately, a lot of dramas are based on novel adaptations. And most novels have almost the same storyline, more or less. (at least I see them almost the same)

Usually, the girl will fall in love with a guy, get engaged and then somehow, something will go wrong (the fiancé met in an accident, gets killed or runs away) and the poor girl will continue life miserably. Then comes in our hero, the cold guy with no heart, he owns a business or comes from a wealthy family, has one or two bad habits. His family likes the poor girl, they both get married based on an arranged marriage. This girl will try to impress the guy and his family, does all the right things and the guy would either still act cold or treat her badly. When he finally opens his heart for her, comes in the third party, his ex-girlfriend, ex-fiancee, ex wife….she will plan something to break this couple up. And the story goes on….

Most malay drama fans/audience only watch the drama for the sake of the hero who would be incredibly handsome, or the girl who is super good and kind in the drama. And they would hope that the guy will change into a good guy and they would live happily ever after.

Nobody gives a rats ass about the Islamic point of all these.

See…all Malay dramas, mostly will somehow have Islamic perspective on it, because they are all Muslims. So, why not we, the Muslim audience take something out of it as well?

For example…

In one of the dramas I watched, the hero was married to the heroine and he was a pilot. When the heroine went back to her hometown while she was pregnant, the hero got into a plane crash. They couldn’t find his body, and declared him dead. 6 months has passed and still no clues of his body. The guy’s parents have finally accepted that their son is dead, but the wife started to have psychological problems. She was constantly talking about the husband, and also she had a miscarriage. She was going through a lot, I guess. And about a year later, the story of the pilot rises, he was married to a lady in Egypt and he apparently had memory loss. He came back to his hometown, doesn’t recognize his family or friends, did the DNA test and was proven to be the pilot who was involved in the crash.

So, what now? HE already has a second wife in Egypt. And his first wife (whom he doesn’t remember) is here, still waiting for him.

From a Muslim’s perspective, first of all, if you hear something terrible happening, say Astaghfirullah and Innalillah wa inna ilaihirrajiunnn. Then, do a lot of prayers and zikr. Because we are at our weakest, and syaitons (devils), love it when we are at our weakest. We can easily slip into a quicksand and it’s so hard to get out. Pray a lot of Allah, ask Him for forgiveness, strengthen our hearts and help us in dealing with our troubles.

Secondly, when it comes to problems about the syariah (laws in Islam), we need to study back on what Allah says about these situations. So, we as Muslims, should also find out, how do we settle this problem, handling it the best way that we can. If we have no knowledge on this, we need to seek help from the ones who has.

So, in this case, the drama potrayed that the second wife (wife from Egypt) lets go of her husband, because she felt like she was the one who took the guy away from the first wife, and that the first wife needs him more than she does. But in Islam, that shouldn’t happen. I mean, what will happen to the second wife now? She’ll stay in Egypt a single woman? Pity her.

That’s why we need to ask Allah for help, ask Him for strength in hadling and dealing with situations like this. At the same time, seek advice from ustaz and ustazah, the court and those who has experiences in dealing with such situations.

This is what I mean by active audience. We process the scenes from the movie or drama and we do our own thinking, should this happen, why did this happen, how to solve an issue…not just accepting what the storyline gives you. Yes, these were made for entertainment purposes, but this also rarely happen in reality. Might as well, we learn something about it, apply it in reality mode and solve the issue.

I hope you understand where I’m coming from with this entry. Just don’t accept what’s been given to you. Process and digest them. Make the brain work. Learn something from storylines.

Be an active audience.

Thank you.

Women and dating world

Assalamualaikum readers.

Today i would like to write an entry about women and dating world. I read an article by a Muslim lady who went through a lot when she was going through "this phase" and Alhamdulillah, now she's married.

What she said in the article were mostly true. Wait, what did she said?

We, Muslim ladies were taught to not date or fall in love or be in a relationship when we were growing up. Parents forbid us for good reasons, and told us to study.
The right guy will come when the time comes. (my parents also said that)

And so we did study and work and focus on our careers. Then our age increases gradually. And our parents panic.
They start looking for candidates for us anf tell us to "get to know them" or go on dates with a stranger.

Ehem...excuse me.

How am i supposed to go on a date with a guy i dont know?
How to talk to a guy i dont know?
What do we talk about?
How long does it take to know a person?

And when the "spark" isnt there between the two of us, and the guy rejects, the first person our parents blame is...us.

-did you say something wrong?
-shouldve worn that new scarf i bought you!
-did you laugh too loud?
-did you play with your phone during the date?
-shouldve answered the phone immediately when he calls!

Mum, Dad...
I have no experience in this. You told me to study and not think about love and marriage when i was growing up.
Unlike my non-Muslim friends, they gave dated some guys in school, went out for movies and planned their future together after graduating university and college.
I was busy thinking about graduating on time and finding a job to plant my feet on the ground and start earning for myself.
I didnt have time to look for a guy, or go out dating. Because you taught me not to.

And now all of a sudden i need to suddenly know how to date someone, talk and text a guy on the phone and dress up for him?

No.

So please...give us space. We are newbies in this too. Our parents raise us up to become independent women who has education, job and stable income.
Yes, we might be a bit older by the time we enter this phase. But what can we do? We were raised that way.

So, give us a break. If we were awkward at first, just give us some time...try to get to know us better...if you wanna give this a shot.

But if you expect us to be like the characters from a novel or girls from the movies who dresses well and spontaneously says all the right things during the first date, first text and first call, we're sorry.

It takes a lot of patience...but isnt that what marriage is all about?
Patience and compromise.

Think about it guys.

Wassalam.

Toothless, the lost kitten.

Today, i dedicate an entry for a small little kitten which passed away this morning due to porvovirus.

I adopted a kitten at a cat center in Perlis near my workplace due to depression. I felt like my world was ending and i had no motivation to continue on with life. I decided if i divert my attention to a pet, it would help me. Like, i am given a task to give this pet attention and happiness.

I went in the pet center looking for a kitten. And the owner said she had kittens for adoption, and also kittens for sale.
I saw this poor little kitten staring at me, with sad eyes, sitting closely to his mates in the cage. He was a little kitten, about 2 months old, very weak and had fleas all over him.

I named him Toothless. Why?
Because my late best friend and I shared a secret. That we would somehow adopt or buy a cat, name it Toothless and take care of it. Even though Toothless is not black, i just thought it was a nice name, in the honour of remembering my late friend.

I brought him back after i did some shopping. Spent about rm150 on cat stuff, from a cage to his litter box and shampoo.
Then i swept the floor, mopped the room and set everything up. He walked around the house, didnt meow at all, slept with me on the bed. I woke up at 2am in the morning, watched it walk around a bit then fell asleep. And again i woke up at 4am just to check on him and slept again. At 6am, he bit my arm. Ouch!

To cut the story short, he was kindda enjoying his life, but sadly a few days after, his appetite reduced and he falls asleep a lot. He was lethargic all the time.
Last Thursday, i checked him into the center to be taken care of while i travelled to penang.
The owner informed me that Toothless had contracted Porvovirus, a deadly virus that kills many kittens and cats. Plus, Toothless wasnt vaccinated when i adopted him. The owner thought he was too weak to be vaccinated, so she planned to get him vaccinated when he is a few months older.

Unfortunately, he passed away this morning.

In rememberance of Toothless, these are the few things i'd like to share about my little kitten.
1. He likes to cuddle up with me or some thick cloths. I think it makes him feel safe.
2. He only meowed on the second day of adoption.
3. He has separation anxiety. Everytime i am away, even to the toilet, he meows, calling for me.
4. He likes watching Tv or videos on the internet, he is fascinated by the colours and movements.
5. He loves to explore. He walks around with his nose sniffing the floor, dirt and everything in it, and then gets confused as to how to get back to the room.
6. He learnt how to use the litter box pretty quickly, on the second day itself. He's a smart kitten.
7. He doesnt know how to play with toys...especially when i am around. I dont know why...maybe because he was sick.
8. He has extreme passion for the bathroom. Because the bathroom door is always closed, he likes to try and push the door open to see whats inside. He even slept outside the bathroom door a few times.
9. He's afraid of heights. But he loves to give a try at jumping and clinging onto the sofa and bed.
10. He doesnt enjoy shower. But he felt so much better with the fleas all gone. And he smelt nicer.

Gonna add picture of him soon.

Rest in peace, little one. I hope i've brought some happiness into your life.

Why nurses look so glum at the counter?

Assalamualaikum, readers...

Today my entry is dedicated to all nurses, mostly in the dental and medical department.

We always wonder why nurses don't have a friendly smile on their faces when we go to the counter for registration.

Well...i had the privilage to sit at the counter with the nurses and i too got a bit stressed and understood why they act sych way.

1. Too many patients.
- well, this is not a reason. But for a person to be asking the same thing over and over again like a broken record sometimes ires a person.
- some patients even tell stories of why are they at the clinic....at the counter. I know this may seem funny, but it gets irritating to some nurses, because they have to attend many other patients that are waiting behind the line.

2. Patients ask the same question over and over again.
- one or two patients who ask of the same question is fair enough. But if 50 patients ask of the same question...how would you feel?

3. Too mamy forms!!!
- if you've worked behind a counter in a government facility, you'd know there are just too mamy forms to fill.
- i work in one of the busiest clinic, and the nurses have to stamp a few stamps in the card, help.me chart the dentition of the patient, assist me in suctioning the patient's saliva while i work, prepare instruments and materials for the treatment, make sure the patient brings the treatment card and pays at the counter, clean up after the patient and then...
...call the next patient in.
And the cycle repeats....for the next 30+ patients.
- after all of that, the nurses have to gather data monthly on how many patiemts have been treated by multiple officers, check all the materials expiry dates and how much of them are left in the room and also some other stuff i have no idea of.

4. Irritating patients.
- sitting at the counter, patients sometimes come at their own sweet time (even though appointment has been given) and when the patient misses the appointment, the patient blames the nurses for not having sympathy.
- some come with reasons to postpone the appointment (that was given by the doctor) for some petty reasons. When they explain nicely to the patient, the patiemt refuses to listen. And the blame game begins...
- once, i received a patient who just cant sit still. He was an adult male, and he kept his hands behind his head like this is some dort of a spa. He kept moving and it was difficult for the nurses to assist me. She lost it and said sternly to the patient to stop move around. Imagine having to deal with patients like this....on top of all the workloads.

5. Long working hours
- this is dedicated to the nurses in the hospitals who work longer shifts and attend more patients, with lots of shitloads going on in the hospital.
- nurses on the dental clinic even though work from 8am to 5pm daily, they have to be on their feet for long and that tires them.

No matter what we been through, i know by right we, government officers and staff have pledged to serve the community with a nice attitude and sweet smile daily.
But this is just something to open up your minds and TRY to understand why they arent always smiling to you.

Im not saying all nurses are glum looking and pissed off all the time, just that when they have reached their limits, they tend to act certain ways. We are all humans. And we do make mistakes.
No matter how much we think we have done our best, there's always someone elese who finds whatever we do as bad.

In the end, it's always nice when patients come back saying Thank You and smiling happily as they leave the facility.

Thank you.