*a little hyper now, so, just bare with me*
we've heard about girls and boys fell for each other, go out on dates and then lived happily ever after...or not? *clears throat*
as a Muslim, things like this is forbidden. i've written a post about this before, long time ago, but the entry was written in Malay. *somehow, the article is no more there!*
growing up, my parents used to tell me how they'd prefer Chinese way of coupling. most of them are really serious and committed when it comes to coupling. the first two years are the 'get-to-know-you' phase. they'll bring along this friend to meet their parents indirectly, just to let them know they've got their eyes on the person. after two years, things kindda get serious, they've declared that they're an item. so, when will they take the next step? to be honest, the next step takes about 5-10 years. and they'd wait!
the guys usually would want to have a steady job, own a house AND a car, some thousands of cash in the bank and still have some money in his hands BEFORE he even asks the girl to marry him. *applause*
being a student in the university, where people are already in their twenties, they're starting to think about the future.
"Will i ever meet my other half?"
"He's the best among all the others i've met here...maybe he's the one!"
"What if i got too caught up in work and i have no time to go searching for the one?"
these are some of the thoughts that Malays are thinking...i'm not being racist. i'm just...being honest? come on, guys. i bet you've been through this too...
and when you think it's over, and you attend the conferences about love in Islam and such, the panels would encourage you to get married early. they'd say things like, "It's hard...but i've been there and look where i am now? i have 5 kids, a successful career and a girl by my side, and i'm just 30 years old!" *audience gasps*
but, let's be realistic.
 |
| i've got the rings right here. please say YES? |
if you're studying, your source of income comes from scholarship or your parents. let's say, you really get married, you'll have to give your wife some money every month. how much can you provide? RM 300? You think that's enough?
"But she's sponsored too! RM 300 more is a BONUS!!"
okay, fine. now you've both graduated, where will your income come from? remember this, none of you are working. if you're thinking of getting a loan from your parents, please kill yourself! marriage means you're no longer under your parents wings, and that you stand as a unit with your partner. your parents love you, of course and they won't hesitate to give you money, but get this in your mind. you fail as a child if you turn back to your parents.
2- a place called HOME?
say, you're married. if you are still studying in a university, and the both of you are living in two different places, it's okay...coz you have your own hostel to live in. now, you've graduated, and you need a place to stay with your partner.
"We can live in my room. i can make some space"
"My house is HUGEEE, HUMONGOUS! there's lots of spare rooms..."
i can accept this up to until your wife is pregnant. after pregnancy, if you remain in your parents house, you fail, man! seriously?
living in your parents house means you don;t have much privacy because everything involves your parents. watching movies is not private anymore, saying lovey dovey things to your partner ANYTIME of the day is inappropriate...but of course, it's easier because half of your work load is off your shoulders...
3- romantic stroll
please, tell me you at least have a transport? a motorbike at least. i'm not demanding for things...it's just that, in my opinion, you need all these if you would want a steady relationship, at least during the first few years of marriage. can you imagine when the both of you are tired from all the stress of studying and you want to go out to have some fun, and you don;t have transport. the girl would crack under pressure...at least i will! and you guys would end up in a fight, yadda yadda...
conclusion is, i believe that a man who wants to ask a girl to marry him should at least have whatever that's listed above. this shows how steady you are...and that you've equipped yourself with everything that a girl needs in a relationship.
all relationships are like climbing a hill. you'll have cramps and aches, need to stop for a break, even injure yourself, dehydrated...but once you reach the top, your lungs expand to the fullest and you could see the beauty that lies ahead of you.
i don't think i'll get married while studying...me living on my own is hard enough, imagine if i have to live with someone and cope with the commitment of being a wife. no thanks...i'll wait!
~big jobs, stack of cash, huge mansion and a sports car cannot guarantee that one will have a successful, happy marriage. it all comes down to how strong your commitments and tolerance are to one another.
P/S: if you think you can cope without any of the things listed above, go ahead. =)
"We can live in my room. i can make some space"
"My house is HUGEEE, HUMONGOUS! there's lots of spare rooms..."
i can accept this up to until your wife is pregnant. after pregnancy, if you remain in your parents house, you fail, man! seriously?
living in your parents house means you don;t have much privacy because everything involves your parents. watching movies is not private anymore, saying lovey dovey things to your partner ANYTIME of the day is inappropriate...but of course, it's easier because half of your work load is off your shoulders...
3- romantic stroll
please, tell me you at least have a transport? a motorbike at least. i'm not demanding for things...it's just that, in my opinion, you need all these if you would want a steady relationship, at least during the first few years of marriage. can you imagine when the both of you are tired from all the stress of studying and you want to go out to have some fun, and you don;t have transport. the girl would crack under pressure...at least i will! and you guys would end up in a fight, yadda yadda...
conclusion is, i believe that a man who wants to ask a girl to marry him should at least have whatever that's listed above. this shows how steady you are...and that you've equipped yourself with everything that a girl needs in a relationship.
all relationships are like climbing a hill. you'll have cramps and aches, need to stop for a break, even injure yourself, dehydrated...but once you reach the top, your lungs expand to the fullest and you could see the beauty that lies ahead of you.
i don't think i'll get married while studying...me living on my own is hard enough, imagine if i have to live with someone and cope with the commitment of being a wife. no thanks...i'll wait!
~big jobs, stack of cash, huge mansion and a sports car cannot guarantee that one will have a successful, happy marriage. it all comes down to how strong your commitments and tolerance are to one another.
P/S: if you think you can cope without any of the things listed above, go ahead. =)
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