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Monday 2 May 2011

clueless...

so here i am...I'm 19 years old & i've NEVER fallen in love...hmm...is it a bad thing? the NOT FALL IN LOVE part?? seriously i dont even know...im clueless...


you see, so many celebrities outside there fall in love, they get so cute down the streets & on the red carpet & at the awards show...but then sooner or later, you'll hear their break-up news in the magazines...



like these two celebs, Milo & Hayden...
they both acted in the TV series, Heroes for don't know how many seasons... (HEROES is a complicated show..once u miss one of its episode, its really hard to catch-up...)
so, these two celebs dated for a while...& before i know it, its over...







so, here goes another one i guess...
Pete Wentz (lead guitarist of Fall Out Boys) & Ashlee Simpson...
they are facing a divorce even with a two-year-old kid...hmm...they were one of the cutest couple i adored...well, not anymore i guess? Haiz...




perkahwinan pun x mnjamin hubungan percintaan yang berkekalan...so, wat am i supposed to do?? stay single....when everyone else is moving on with new dudes they call 'boyfriends'? is it a good move? i dunno...
im confused...i mean, i'm single, but i get all these weird dreams of me & a dude i don't even know...
walking with them, hand in hand, salam ngn diorang, hugging...how am i supposed to explain all that? & also i got dreams of me being chased by guys i don't know, whom at the beginning claimed they love me & stuff...pastu diorang hurt me...& i run...but not that fast...rasa berat nk mampus & penat bila lari...very scary u know? even masa tido pun, i feel like running faster, my mind keep on saying, 'RUN!!!' funny...but i cant explain any of these...

ema sedar ema x sesuai involve in a relationship...nk bercinta ngn seseorg...coz i cant stand people lying to me...i cant stand people cheating on my back...i cant stand people who asks stupid stuff...i cant stand people trying to stop me from being friends with boys...i cant stand telling people all my darkest secrets, all the secrets i share wif my friends, telling them what have i done the whole day, to whom i talked with the whole day...sorry laa...i live my life...u live yours...x dak kaitan ngan you pun to whom i spoke with, watever i said to them, watever we shared is none of ur business...
see? im juz not suitable for RELATIONSHIPS...
watching movies or dramas pun can make me so emotional...kalau anybody cheats, lied, or flirts behind the other person...i get so emotional, i scream & shout, hug the pillow smpai lembik pillow tue...thats me...
i call these people names, like 'stupid', 'idiot', 'tahi kambing' and so on...
imagine if any of these were to happen to me? hmm...nk fikir pun takut...


but deep, down inside, guess what? i want to be loved...i want to experience all of those stuff i watch on TV...


nk rasa gak makan malam ngn jejaka idaman...
nk camp out ngn diorang...sit around the campfire near the beach 
when its freezing outside...
nk hang out, pegi shopping malls...
nk dia nyanyi lagu kt ema sorang ja...he & his guitar or piano or violin, looking directly into my eyes...

i dunno...i know its wrong...but then why do i have these kind of feelings inside of me? weird kan? i feel weird myself...i dunno wat to do...
i believe the ONE will come to me...hell come & make me happy, marry me, & we're gonna have lots of kids...live a happy family...haiz...dreams...


maybe i have to stop watching movies...
maybe i should stop listening to cool music videos...
maybe i should stop listening to love songs...
maybe i should stop dreaming....


entahlah...i guess its the age kowt...umo kita affects the way we feel, the way we think, the way we react kot...i dunno...
until then, let me stay single...im happy the way i am...
=)

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