regrets?

ema baru ja perasan yg ema x byk kenangan ngan kwn2 skolah lama kt matriks. walaupun kt matriks tue, punya la ramai kwn ema dpt, but i only realized now that i wasn't that close to then when i was there. hmm... 'where did i go wrong?' i wonder. i guess everything was wrong. i cannot blame yg kitaorg x doksatu blok coz ada ja kwn 2 ema yg stay satu blok ngan myself. i cannot blame the fact yg kitaorg semua different courses, sbb ada ja kwn2 yg sama course ngan ema. and then something clicks in my head! i used to always call them masa 1st week in matriks, during the orientation week. kitaorg semua byk habis credit handphone sbb asyik dok call kwn nie kwn tue, sbb sesat & x jumpa geng. can u imagine, dari pg smpai ke malam, we would sit together? i wasn't close to my roomates pun back then. mungkin sbb baru masuk, new environment kot...i don't know. 



dalam kuliah ema, i don't have any gang. i mean, ema kenal ayu dlm kuliah ema pun masa tgh2 sem 1. hahaha...seriously, masa tue x kenal nobody but ur own classmates. but then, itu pun x leh dijadikan excuse to why we were not close anymore kan? 
becoz, i still remember us having a study group in my room. ada dlm 6 org bljr together ngan ema masa tue. kitaorg study biology sama2. tapi sayang, that was the only study group yg kitaorg ever had. lps tue, semua dah mula ngan klas sndiri, no time to even see one another.
haiz...tapi i could actually eat with them kan? tapi diorang plak mkn time yg x sama ngan ema. 


haizz...tapi seriously, i got close to my roomates than i was with my own friends. i got to know everything & anything about my roomates, from their family backgrounds, to how they study to their current relationships & even their friends. but i know nothing bout my own friends. pathetic huh? i don't know which guy are they talking about, who they liked, latest gossips about those guys. i know nothing! hahahha...and it sucks when i asked them about who they;'re talking about & they go, 'hmm, nothing la...just ignore us!' but its strange how they know everything about me. the guys yg in my life semua diorang tau, but the guys yg in their life, satu pun i don't know. it seemed like i was outdated, when it comes to personal issues.

but, guess wat? it doesn't matter anymore. those stuff were in the past. i should have done something, but i did nothing! even during ramadhan, i can only recall once, where all of us sat down on one table & ate our meals. that was the only time i guess. hmmm, now, im missing all of them dearly, so badly! i wish i could turn back time & changed everything. changed my time table, so that i have time to spend with them. changed my lifestyle, so that i could eat & jog with them every evening. changed everything, so that they would not call me 'sombong' but, that's impossible.